Decor: Summer Houses

As I’ve stated many times before I am OBSESSED with  homes, architecture and interior design. I spend hours just browsing through houses on sale, celeb homes and newly built houses and imagine what I would change and how I would decorate it. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of getting my real estate license and/or go back to school for interior design. I don’t know what it is about it all that I find such joy and great interest in but it is a passion of mine that I owe it to myself to explore! My ultimate dream is to one day design, build and decorate my own dream home! Ahh, we must speak wishes into existence!

via Architectural Digest


Victoria Hagan and FamilyDesigner Victoria Hagan Invites Us Inside Her Nantucket Home

Nantucket! Take out your map and look at it,” wrote Herman Melville in Moby-Dick. “A mere hillock, and elbow of sand; all beach, without a background.”

It is the rare civic document that begins as lyrically as this Melville quotation that introduces the design guidelines manual of the Nantucket Historic District Commission (HDC), which has for decades governed construction on the Massachusetts island to help preserve its salty New England charm. Unlike many of the East Coast’s illustrious summer colonies, Nantucket did not become fashionable until well into the 20th century, sheltering it from the Gilded Age mansion-building boom that stretched from Bar Harbor, Maine, to Palm Beach, Florida. In fact, for a good hundred years after the mid-19th-century demise of the whaling industry, Nantucket stayed pretty much as it had always been—a town of relatively modest Colonial and Federal housing stock, with peaked roofs, dormers galore, and shutters aplenty. And that’s how the guardians of Nantucket have kept it, even as the island has become one of the country’s foremost havens for moguls, a 21st-century Newport of sorts, minus the marble.

Designer Victoria Hagan knows all this history—and the HDC laws restricting the height, style, and materials of new houses—by heart. Hagan has been summering in Nantucket since she was a teenager, and she has crafted several residences for clients on the island. Spending so much time here, she had always kept her eyes open for the perfect spot to build a home for her own family, and in 2010 she found it: a three-acre parcel on the eastern shore, with beautiful open views of the Atlantic, Sesachacha Pond, and Sankaty Head lighthouse. Aiming to create a house as idyllic as the setting, Hagan formulated a strategy to avoid complicated negotiations with the building authorities.

“The way to succeed with the HDC is to work with them,” she says. “I decided I would treat them like a client and listen to what they wanted, and it made such a difference. Sometimes when you feel like you’re compromising over small details, you can focus on that and lose sight of the big picture—and the joy.” Hagan therefore aligned her expectations (and those of her husband, media investor Michael Berman, and their twin sons, Harry and Alex) with the mandates of the island’s strict construction regulations. “I’m always looking for what feels right,” she adds. “This is a beach house, and I wanted it to feel that way.”

Collaborating closely with Ray Pohl of the local firm Botticelli and Pohl Architects, Hagan devised a basic blueprint for a country home and got out her red pencil to see what could go. First off: Ditch the formal front foyer and try a more casual entry/stair hall at the side of the house. “I love that you can walk right into the living room,” declares Hagan. And she made it a living room to savor. It’s the core of the house, with lots of comfortable seating, a pair of doors to the terraces, and an abundance of large sash windows facing north and south.


Living Room

Breakfast Area


Master Bedroom


This house is stunning! It is so clean, crisp and calming. The perfect sanctuary to wake up too every morning. The house reminds me of the Hampton’s! Growing up in Brooklyn our summers were spent playing outside when the sprinklers would go off or spent just hanging out at the stoop with neighborhood friends. It wasn’t until I got older till I learned about the Hamptons and it was known only as the swanky town where only the rich go to spend their summers in their fabulous beach houses and now that I am much older I see friends renting houses there to spend long weekends and I can’t help but be jealous! I have to make that my next ‘vacation’.

Speaking of Long Island summer houses in the South Hampton, here is another beautiful and charming house:

Inspired by the shingle style mansions of the 19th century, architect Joel Barkley masterminds a whimsical swooping beach house in Southampton, New York



Entrance Hall

Living Room

Living Room



Dining Room


Dining Room

Pool Area











Decor: Summer Houses

Artist & Song of the week

I still can’t get enough of this song! ‘Post To Be’ by Omarion, Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko. The three of them together collaborating is genius and we all can only hope they’ll blend their talents more often! It seems like Chris Brown is everywhere on the charts lately! He is featured in so many songs from various artists and genres and it’s no surprise all the songs are massive hits! He isn’t even a feature anymore, he just comes with the hottest tracks, lol! This song is this summer’s anthem, it’s fun and catchy. My favorite part is “You gotta eat the booty like groceries”  Haaa! I can’t deal with these catchy phrases because whenever I look up what they mean I find that it is very sexual and nasty!! LOL! Another example was when I had to look up Truffle Butter, I’ll leave it at that.

Next up is a new song from Trey Songz new album Intermission. I stumbled on this on Youtube and I am glad I did! Trey has a knack for having baby making songs that always puts you in the mood for something! I love his voice and I love that he selects music that fits him.

Bad girls ain’t ever been good for me
Good girls ain’t ever been enough for me

Artist & Song of the week

Article of the day



“Yesterday John and I were looking at couples therapy and stuff,” announces supermodel Chrissy Teigen, popping an oily Italian olive into her mouth. She clarifies: “Not for us, I mean.”  Teigen and her husband, the musician John Legend, are cuddled up at il Buco in downtown Manhattan. Over a tapas-style feast of roasted Spanish octopus, poached eggs with wild mushrooms, Hawaiian King prawns and milky burrata, we’re discussing the intricacies of marriage—in particular, what makes theirs work, given the pressures of being in a “Hollywood” relationship. “We were watching a [reality] show about the first year of marriage, and we couldn’t understand why things change so much when people get married,” says Legend, in the familiar smooth-as-silk tone that, for 10 years, has translated into hit record after hit record. Teigen deadpans, “Honestly, you would have to cheat. That’s the only reason I could foresee us needing couples therapy.” They laugh—as if to say, “Could there be a more ridiculous suggestion?”—and reach for more prawns.

Legend and Teigen may scoff at the label, but they are pop culture’s undeniable Couple of the Moment. In the year and a half since their September 2013 nuptials, their respective careers have skyrocketed—he went on a world tour, won an Oscar and performed at the Super Bowl; she landed the cover of Sports Illustrated, inked a book deal and is preparing to cohost her fourth TV show. And while their success as individuals has been remarkable, the real appeal—the reason why fans are as enamored of them as they are of each other—lies in their dynamic as a couple. They are goofy, self-deprecating, unpretentious and totally, believably, in love. Their social media personas, which reach a collective 19 million followers, chronicle life as a normal couple doing normal couple things: taking selfies, cooking dinner in their bathrobes, playing with their dogs and going on vacation, with only occasional dispatches from the more glamorous aspect of their lives.

It’s this willingness to offer such ordinary-seeming, no-holds-barred access that, in fact, makes these two such a rewarding celebrity fixation. We know that Teigen’s mother is ostensibly their third roommate, and that Legend makes a killer mac and cheese. Unlike more frustratingly elusive celebrities, they give us what we want—or at least do a very good job making us think they do. Consider this in contrast to Jay-Z and Beyoncé, who spent years denying they were an item, or Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, who hid their marriage from the press for several months. (Only after Kunis appeared on a talk show wearing a wedding ring did she ambiguously confirm that she and Kutcher were “maybe” married.) That brand of orchestrated behavior is no longer satisfying to fans—we now favor celebrities who are relatable, imperfect and honest over those who are rehearsed and perfectly posed.

Teigen, though a supermodel, is rarely perfectly posed. At this year’s Golden Globes, the most viral moment was not Legend’s poignant acceptance speech after his Best Original Song win for Selma’s “Glory,” but the reaction of his teary-eyed wife, whose awkward “ugly cry face” became an Internet sensation. She was in on the joke before the show had even ended. “Sorry I don’t practice my cry face, okay,” she tweeted, followed by a snap of her and Legend imitating the expression.

“John and Chrissy completely remove any expectation we have about celebrity couples. Everything you see is authentic, and people respond to that,” says Joe Zee, the editor in chief of Yahoo! Style and Teigen’s cohost on the upcoming daytime talk show The FAB Life. “We live in an age where everything is so heavily contrived. Even Instagram posts can be produced and strategized. But they’re just being themselves.”

“Strategy” is something that Legend hasn’t even considered. His and Teigen’s social media interactions range from snarky (@chrissyteigen: “John just called the hunger games ‘the thunder games.’ I married my dad”) to sweet (@johnlegend: “@chrissyteigen I wonder if our 16 year old selves would date each other,” accompanied by a nerdy childhood photo of Legend in oversize, owlish glasses). They are almost always revealing in some way. “I never understood the purpose of being secretive and coy and trying to disguise the fact that you’re together,” says Legend. “It’s odd to shut off a major section of your life and say, ‘Well, that’s off-limits.’ ” Teigen leans over, as if to give him a peck on the cheek. Instead, she digs her perfectly manicured talons into his scalp and proclaims, like a proud parent, that she’s discovered a gray hair. He shrugs and continues. “We don’t discuss everything in public, but I feel like it’s OK to show people that we love each other.”

Legend did just that in 2013 with the release of his hit single “All of Me,” a romantic ode to Teigen that declares, “All of me/ Loves all of you/ Love your curves and all your edges/ All your perfect imperfections.” The ballad earned two Grammy nominations, while the song’s intimate black-and-white music video—which the couple filmed two days before their wedding—became, in a way, their coming out as a celebrity duo. Teigen, true to form, couldn’t let the moment remain sappy forever. She took to Twitter: “2 grammy noms for @johnlegend no one has congratulated me for being the inspiration behind ‘all of me.’ without me there is no all of me,” warranting an equally quick-witted response from Legend: “@chrissyteigen who told you this song was about you?”

But when you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile. Legend and Teigen were recently on a flight together when Teigen, who says she reads 99 percent of everything tweeted at her, saw that she’d been tagged in a photo. A passenger behind them had snapped a picture of the couple kissing through the gap between the seats. “I rarely lose it, but I confronted him,” says Teigen. “I held my phone up and I was like, ‘Are you f–king serious?’ ” Legend told the guy not to be a douche bag.

It goes without saying that Teigen and Legend are extraordinarily attractive individuals, but they are somehow more beautiful together than they are apart. When we meet, Teigen is wearing a sleeveless white T-shirt sans bra, like only a 29-year-old supermodel can, her sculpted, candy-apple cheeks peeking out from beneath the brim of a floppy beige hat. Legend, in a black beanie and black peacoat, could easily be mistaken for any dapper downtown hipster. We’re seated at a table at the front of the restaurant, exposed to New York’s cobblestoned Bond Street, when a photographer appears on the other side of the window. I become overwhelmed with second-hand paranoia: How did he find them? Did a waiter tip him off? But before I can bring it to their attention, the door swings open and in walks a young woman, her face partially concealed by a birdcage-style wedding veil. Her father, the “paparazzi” and her new husband trail behind. They’ve just tied the knot at City Hall.

Teigen and Legend, who say they still feel—and definitely still act—very much like newlyweds, grow nostalgic about their own City Hall nuptials, a last-minute affair that cracks them up two years later. They didn’t realize they would need to bring a marriage license to their wedding in Lake Como, so they squeezed in a quick ceremony four days before walking down the “official” aisle. “I didn’t know that we would have to do the traditional vows. I was ready to just sign a piece of paper,” says Teigen, who wore black leather pants and a black Victoria Beckham cape for the occasion. “But when it actually happened and I was up there, I started crying, of course.”

Not long after the couple met in 2006 on the set of the music video for Legend’s single “Stereo”—seven years and one day before their wedding—Legend knew there was something different about Teigen. She was stunning, sure. But that was only part of her appeal. “The more I got to know her, I started to realize how funny and cool she was,” he says. “You meet all kinds of good-looking people, but she was so vibrant and engaging. Even when we’d text, she was always saying something clever.” His eyes literally twinkle when he talks about his wife.

“They’re an intriguing couple,” says Sybil Dessau, a TV producer and one of Teigen and Legend’s closest friends. Legend, who at 36 still describes himself as shy, started college at the University of Pennsylvania at 16. As a 4’11”, 12-year-old high school freshman, he had been nicknamed Doogie Howser. Teigen has lovingly morphed the moniker into “Googie Browser,” a reference to her husband’s fondness for Google. His dream is to one day be a contestant on Jeopardy! “John’s the guy who is always reading The Economist backstage. He’s an intellectual—he’s not funny, outgoing or crazy,” says Seth Friedman, Legend’s friend and former manager. “Chrissy laughs at him because he’s so square, and he laughs at her because she’s so irreverent.”

Teigen, meanwhile, has the sharp tongue of a comedian and an obsession with Taco Bell. She loves Nintendo and performing magic tricks. “Chrissy contradicts what you’d expect a model to be. She likes to eat, she likes to speak and she likes to be controversial,” says Dessau. “She’s not a wallflower, and she’s unapologetic about it.” Her no-bullshit attitude toward fame has also struck a chord with women. In the spring, she Instagrammed an intimate photo of her inner thighs, and visible stretch marks, with the caption “Bruises from bumping kitchen drawer handles for a week. Stretchies say hi!” The post drew an onslaught of media coverage, including an article on Time’s website that hailed her as a bastion of body positivity. If that sounds like an overstatement—the idea that a swimsuit model might inspire self-acceptance among young women—just take a look at the comments. “Thank you for showing it’s OK to not be perfect . . . ” wrote one. “That a good personality and a sense of humor will take you a long way. We need more role models like you in the world.” And another: “Wow, I’ve always made an effort to keep mine hidden. So many women can relate to this. Thanks to you, I don’t have to feel ashamed anymore.”

Legend is a needle-mover in his own right, using his fame as a platform to create awareness for social change, occasionally with a sense of humor likely influenced by his wife. In his “All of Me” video spoof that recently went viral, Legend hosted a wedding for his two bulldogs, Puddy and Pippa, serenading the animals as they walked down the aisle. The video concluded with a tout from Legend promoting a fundraiser for his Show Me Campaign, a nonprofit that focuses on ending poverty through education. The following week, he launched a multi-year initiative to end mass incarceration.

Later this summer, Teigen will begin cohosting The FAB Life, a roundtable-style daytime talk show on ABC. “It’s going to be very weird for me to go to work at the same time every day five days a week,” she says, sipping a glass of rosé. “How does this work? Can you call in sick? I’ve never had a job where it mattered if you were sick. With modeling, as long as you’re not barfing in the photo, no one cares if you’re sick.” Although they’ve long called New York home, Teigen will soon spend most of her time in Los Angeles, filming the show. When I ask Legend if he, too, plans on living in L.A. full-time, he looks confused, as if the thought of being apart had never even crossed his mind. “I’ll just be wherever she is,” he says.

While Teigen is on set, Legend will head to the studio to work on his next album, which he’s hoping to release in mid-2016. And then? “Have some babies,” he says with a boyish grin. Teigen chimes in, “We want a lot of kids. I would love to have three or four of my own, and then adopt a few. So basically I’ll be pregnant the rest of my life.” Imagining pregnancy is, to some extent, what inspired her to go nude for the DuJour photo shoot. “You look at Kim [Kardashian] and see how women’s bodies just become so beautiful,” she says. “[The thought] of getting boobs thrills me. And John looooves pregnant women, so— ”

He doesn’t argue. “I’m attracted to the heightened femininity,” he admits. Teigen confesses that she’s partial to having girls. “She thinks I’m not athletic enough to have a boy,” he says. “I’m a musician, I’m good with women and I’m a feminist, so I think I’ll be a good ‘girl daddy.’ ” Already he’s planning for the financial strain of parenthood. “Part of my goal in making money is so that our kids won’t have to fly on regular planes and embarrass us,” he says. “I’m saving up so they can fly private.”

Private air travel notwithstanding, Teigen insists the couple won’t let parenthood change who they are. “I feel like sometimes when people give birth, they give birth to a tiny part of their brain. Whatever they thought they would be goes out the window and they kind of lose their minds,” she says. She doesn’t think she’s going to be that person. Still, while she’s at it, she’d like to make something else clear: “I am 1,000 percent not going to have an Instagram account for my baby. It will not have a hashtag. If I have a hashtag for my baby, just kill me.”

Article of the day

Look of the week

Last night was the annual BET Awards! It was really long and kind of boring. award shows aren’t what they used to be back in the early 2000’s. the highlight of the night for me was the bad boy 20th anniversary reunion with performances from puff daddy aka p.diddy, mase, lil cease, faith evans, 112, lil kim and the tribute to biggie aka notorious big. they dominated the charts in the late 90’s and early 2000 with hit after hit; bad boys was literally a hit factory with music we all still listen to today! i wanted more snippets of their classics! few things; i think danity kane and day 26 should have been a part of the reunion because of how huge diddy’s making the band was back then, they revived the bad boy label and brand to the new generation. i also think it lacked energy from diddy and the new face of bad boy french montana who also performed (he sucked), and finally, i think it had potential to even be better over all. i didn’t like that it ended with a performance with diddy and pharrel of their new song. it was good and exciting for all of us to go back in time with bad boy and celebrate them, however it could have been way better if the performances were directed differently.


also! i think a great ending of the 10 minute performance would have been a video of biggie rapping on the screen and diddy rapping/talking back to him with a performance of i’ll be missing you…and then the lights go out, and biggie’s son Christopher wallace jr and diddy’s son christian combs come out on stage dressed exactly how their dad’s used to match and since they both look exactly like their fathers, back when the duo dominated the music and hip hop world before biggie’s untimely death. i just think the best way to celebrate the anniversary and their legacy would have been a moment with just diddy and biggie, and than the lights go out as the mini diddy and biggie come out to one of their father’s hit songs together, to symbolize that their legacy has and will always go on. bam!


Nicki Minaj Can I just express how BEAUTIFUL Nicki Minaj is!?  She is perfection, but this long sleeved zipped up lace dress isn’t. I don’t have anything else to say other than I really don’t like this look on her, it doesn’t do anything to her and it’s a dress I can see someone much older than her wearing…but her prettiness is def on fleek though!

The beautiful Gabrielle Union-Wade wore a black sequin-embellished Halston Heritage dress with cutout detailing and a halter neckline. I don’t like it but I don’t dislike it, I am in between…it’s just boring and a little too dressy for the night. I would have liked to see her in something short and summary. I am not indecisive about her hair, I love the short and darker do!


Queen Rih!! Looking fierce in a plunging mustard menswear inspired Giorgio Armani tuxedo jacket and shorts. I love the Neil Lane diamond necklaced and how she layered them and obsessing over this long pony tail. She just looks SO beautiful and this was my favorite look of the night!
Ciara, who is another woman I find incredibly beautiful rocked a Swarovski-crystal embroidered Wes Gordon slip dress. I dig this look on her, only she can pull it off! It’s sexy and it has a soft edginess vibe to it.
Look of the week

Thought of the day

“Bill Hudson [her father] doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall. But I don’t care. I have a dad [Kurt Russell]. The bottom line is, you call your kids on their f**king birthday. I’m glad I had a dad who was there on my birthday. Kurt is my dad, he is a savior who came into my life.”

Kate pictured with Kurt Russell


The offending tweet: Oliver Hudson posted this picture of his father Bill, and sister Kate on Father's Day

On Father’s Day, Oliver Hudson shared an Instagram photo of himself, his sister Kate Hudson, and his biological father Bill Hudson. “Happy Abandonment Day,” Oliver captioned the photograph, he later shared a photograph of himself with his stepfather Kurt Russell, thanking Russell (“Pa”). Kate also shared a photo of herself and Russell, with nearly identical sentiments about Russell whom the siblings clearly think of as their father. The Instagram posts appeared to have angered their biological father who, in an interview with the Daily Mail, has now publicly disowned his two eldest children. Bill claims that his alienation from his two famous children was the fault of his ex-wife Goldie Hawn: “When we split up, she never had a bad word to say about me, but when Kurt came on the scene, the narrative changed and I became the big, bad wolf. I would say to her “Goldie, why are you trashing me and saying I’m an absent father when it’s simply not the case?” and she’d laugh and go “Oh Bill, you know it makes for a better story”.  He said during the interview.

Eventually, Bill says, the fiction became fact as first Kate, now 36, and then Oliver, 38, ‘drifted away’ from him and rejected his repeated pleas to remain part of their lives. He lays the blame at Goldie’s door. I believe the drip, drip, drip of poison which started when they were kids finally took hold,’ he says. ‘Goldie wanted to create this myth of a perfect family with Kurt and she wanted me out.’

The interview goes even farther downhill from there — he paints Hawn as lying and manipulative  who sees her children as little more than conduits for “money and power.” He goes on to accuse his ex-wife of manipulating their children to embrace a Hollywood-ready version of their childhood: the absent dad and the loving stepfather; none of which, he says, is true. Rather, as always with these claims, he casts himself as a steadfast father who was constantly thwarted by his vengeful ex-wife.

He says Goldie used her increasing fame and financial superiority to ‘freeze’ him out. ‘I call it parental alienation. We had a custody arrangement but Goldie constantly flouted it. I’d turn up to see the kids and would discover Goldie had taken them on the private jet to her home in Colorado. She gave interviews about her “wonderful” relationship with Kurt and how the kids called him “Pa” and it confused me.” As Kate’s fame grew she, too, accused her father of being an absentee dad: ‘There was never a birthday card,’ she complained, to which Bill responds: ‘Rubbish! I sent birthday cards every year. ‘I ring her up every birthday, still do. The same with Oliver. I bumped into Oliver fairly recently in a supermarket in Malibu and he gave me a hug. I always thought Oliver could be the peacemaker, that somehow he would help bring our fractured family back together.”

“Goldie poisoned them against me. She told the kids I’d moved to Portland. I did go to Portland for eight months to make an album but then I came back to LA. I never abandoned my family. I never walked away. I wanted to be a father to Kate and Oliver but Goldie made it harder and harder for me to see them. It’s all about control. What Goldie wants, Goldie gets.” He recalled going to mediation during their custody battle. ‘Goldie grabbed my forearm as we were leaving and said to me: “It’s all about the money and power, babe.”’

When Oliver and Kate were in their early teens, Bill decided to end the court battles and told the children his door was always open to them. ‘Oliver would come and stay with me. We’d go fishing, have sleep-overs. But Kate drifted away.’

The pair enjoyed an uneasy rapprochement when Kate started dating Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson, father of her elder son Ryder, 11. She also has a three-year-old son Bingham with British rocker Matt Bellamy, from whom she split last year after four years.

‘At one point, I was writing a letter to my children every week for a year. Did those letters ever get to them? Who knows? When I read some of the comments on social media, it was so hurtful. People believe the bull****. Well, I’m here to say it’s just not true.’ At first, Bill picks his words carefully over Kate’s Father’s Day photo of herself with Kurt. ‘It was an intimate shot and, as her father, I found it inappropriate and unsettling. I’ll leave it at that,’ he says. Then, angrily, he adds: ‘She wants to be Kurt’s daughter? Well then, take his name, stop using mine.’ He has removed photographs of Kate and Oliver from his home and even thrown away their knitted baby booties ‘which I carried in the glove compartment of every car I’ve ever owned for good luck’.

Last week, Oliver posted a reply to one fan in which he was unrepentant, emphasizing his closeness to Kurt Russell: ‘What started out as what I thought as a joke has turned into something more. And I embrace that. I’ve done and continue to do a lot of work on myself to better understand what make me tick. Yes, science links us but love binds us. OH + KR = ♥’

Bill is clearly still deeply wounded. He says: ‘Oliver could have picked up the phone and called me but he hasn’t. What shocks me is that this was clearly premeditated. He chose the photograph and posted it on Father’s Day, when he knew it would cause maximum pain. Oliver has lived in the shadow of his mother and sister all his life. Maybe he wanted to be in the headlines? ‘If what he wanted was me out of their lives, then he’s succeeded. I don’t want to see either of my eldest children ever again. It’s over.”

“I say to them, I set you free…I had five birth children but I now consider myself a father of three. I no longer recognize Oliver and Kate as my own. That was like a dagger to the heart…I would ask them to stop using the Hudson name. They are no longer a part of my life. Oliver’s Instagram post was a malicious, vicious, premeditated attack. He is dead to me now. As is Kate. I am mourning their loss even though they are still walking this earth.”

Wow! This was pretty emotional for me to read through. I always say that my father stopped being a father to me and my sister, when he stopped being a husband to my mother. It’s always hard when there is divorce and kids involved. When kids are hurt they are entitled to their pain, but for some reason are always made to feel wrong for feeling badly towards their absent parent. Kate and Oliver were lucky to have Kurt Russell in their lives and be there for them when their father couldn’t. Very rare do kids get to have a step parent who look after the kids as their own, especially at such a young age. My mother recently remarried after being divorced and single for 16 years, and because I am much older it’s hard for me to allow her husband in my life and see him as a step-father, I am so disconnected with male relationships and “father figures”.  I just see him as the great husband he is to my mother. And it’s also sad for Bill to have been shut out from his kids lives due to his ex-wife finding love and having her recreate a family portrait with your kids and the man who is supposed to be you is replaced by someone else in every way. It’s a messy situation and it is clear that no matter how old you get, you will always hold pain and resentment towards you father if he never made great efforts in being in your life. The way I see it, there should be nothing to ever stop a father from being a parent, even if the mother is in the way and new marriages come along. You fight for your kids and you don’t let anything stop you from being there for them. It doesn’t matter what the obstacle is and what mountains you have to climb to get to them. I don’t blame Oliver for posting that picture and mentioning “abandonment” if that’s how he feels, he feels failed by his father and has every right to his hurt, but I do think it makes it harder when the family is a public figure.

This was all similar to a situation I found myself in on Father’s Day of last year. I posted a throwback picture on instagram of my mother, my sister and I titled “Happy Father’s Day Mom.”. It set a cousin of mine off, which then set me off! I thought to myself how dare he have any type of opinion over something that has nothing to do with him and that is deeply personal to me. He wrote under my picture “you have a dad, why won’t you go call him.” Everyone in my family and in life knows that my father lives out of the country and I have never had a phone number of his to call, and I never even had an email of his and the only communication we have had through the years was through Facebook. It set an explosive ugly argument via text messages and led us not to speak for a year. Among other things, hee was under the impression that I have this great dad who I speak to all the time, which was far from the truth, just because I never speak about the negative things I feel towards my father it doesn’t mean that there aren’t some hurtful issues I have been dealing with. My mother has never once ever uttered a bad word about her ex-husband, she has always encouraged us to contact him on FB and to have a relationship but I have always been stubborn, and the times I would reach out to him he wasn’t being communicative and always made me feel guilty of being this terrible daughter who doesn’t care about her father. As a child, a daughter and a woman, I feel as though my father failed me and failed in his role to be a parent to me. He never tried instead he made excuses. He blamed my mother for everything and took responsibility for nothing. After they divorced we visited him two straight summers until he got remarried, didn’t invite us nor did he tell us about his wedding, he stopped contacting us and from than on, he stopped wanting us in the summers and in his life completely, as he began to have children with his new wife. He never once called my mother to ask her about us, even when I was going through numerous surgeries (which my uncle took it upon himself at the time to contact him and let him know his daughter is very sick, still I barely heard from him),  some years he would call us and wish us Happy Birthday (my sis and I share the same birthday but 2 years apart) and other years he skipped and was never consistent, the times he would call the house to speak to us and my mother would pick up he would hang up and keep calling till my sister and me would answer. As we got older, I assume he started to feel left out and blamed us for making him feel that way and for showcasing our love and appreciation for our mother on her birthdays or mothers day through FB, and he was hurt that we would never mention him. He wanted recognition for being our parent, when he wasn’t even being a father. #Delusional. My sister has made amends with him and I have still refused to acknowledge him. I have fought him numerous times for him to tell me he is sorry and he has always refused to take accountability. He taught me the hard way that in life you have to learn how to accept an apology you will never get. I have been mourning the loss of my father, even though he is still living on this earth being a father to his three kids. Just as I am sure he has been mourning the loss of his two daughters, when all he had to do was own up to his mistakes and acknowledge our pain in his absence, instead of pushing us further away as he played the victim. That’s the thing, the parents should never get to play the victim to their children and instead, should always be victorious as parents.

And safe to say this year for father’s day, I didn’t post anything on my instagram and instead decided to delete my Facebook because I finally decided he isn’t deserving of seeing how I look now and how good I am doing without him. I also went through my Instagram followers and saw he was a follower and I  blocked him! #Petty but I don’t care! LOL!

What are you thoughts on this? Can you relate like I can?

Thought of the day

Fashion Face Off

ALL BLACK EVERYTHING photo | Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner

Kim Kardashian has always been the star of her family, but now that Kylie Jenner is all grown up she is taking over the spotlight and Kim is competing to outshine the 17 year old. We have seen both Kim and Kylie transform over the years with body and facial changes, but no one has had the best transformation other than Kylie, she’s finally admitted to having lip enhancements and who knew plumping your lips can make you look completely different! She’s 17 going on 27, and Kim is 35 going on 25. Their styles are very similar yet different still. Kylie is more edgy and versatile while Kim is more fitted and tight. Kylie has become a huge style maven, and rightfully so. She has a great sense of style and lots of people whether her age in their teens or older are keeping up with her latest trends. I love when someone can switch it up and still be able to pull it off. Kim’s style changed drastically since being with Kanye, it’s full of hits and misses. She just tries way too hard. Kylie is one to watch out for, her star is beginning to shine brighter than anyone while Kim is holding on very tight to what is still shinning on her and refusing to let it dim.

Both sisters need to and should be dressing their age respectively but considering how they’ve been and how they are I don’t think anything will change: Kylie is 17 dating a 26 year old rapper who is a father of a 2 year old son by his stripper ex-fiance, while Kim is a mother of a 2 year old daughter with a son on the way in her mid 30’s still getting naked for magazines and dressing prerogative, meanwhile, both sisters continue to upload very racy and inappropriate pictures on their instagrams.

So the fashion face off between the sisters…will have to go Kylie, only because her style looks more effortless and I can see her becoming a “style icon” and making plenty of waves in the fashion industry soon. She’s still super young, fresh and hasn’t even begun yet really, and in typical Kardashian/Jenner form her mother Kris will turn her lemons into lemonade, while Kim is getting old, typical, tiring and should focus less on still wanting to be seen here, there and everywhere for photo ops, and more on being a mom at home.


Both sisters are known to also have a face off of putting their bodies on display..

Fashion Face Off

Thought of the day: Parallel lives w/ Exes

You ever find yourself in a relationship with someone you have been with for so many years; you go through all the pits, all the peaks and you find that love just isn’t enough to keep you together. You both part ways and finally stop breaking up to making up. And soon after that, you both move on with other people. Then a few months later, your ex is having a baby or getting married to that new person. That man or woman you have fought with and fought to be with and went through so much with becomes a better person for their new partner and is giving them what you always thought you would have with them.  You went through so much, helped each other grow, challenged one another and stuck by each other all while thinking there will be a happy ending and that the relationship you tried to save and kept trying to repair will be worth it in the end. But, it doesn’t work out quiet that way. You ended up molding your ex to be a better partner for the next person, it’s almost as if you conditioned them to be what you always knew they can be and hoped they will be for you…but they became who you wanted to someone else. You held on to hope all this time only for you to watch someone else have what belonged to you for so long. It stings.

We see it happen all the time and it always trips me out how when you decide to move on from someone, you never think they REALLY move on and have life hit you with so many changes shortly after. You can’t help but think it was supposed to be with me!

For instance, Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt were together for six years, they broke up and not even 6 months into the breakup they suddenly got married to different people and had kids. Jimmy Kimmell and Sarah Silverman were together for 8 years till they stopped laughing together, and he got married and had a kid two years after the breakup with someone else. Charlize Theron and her ex boyfriend were together for 10 years, they never married or had kids, a year after their breakup her ex found himself a wife and a baby, while Charlize ended up adopting a kid a few years after.Ben Affleck called off his wedding to Jennifer Lopez in Sept and by June Jennifer married Marc Anthony around the same time Ben married and knocked up Jennifer Garner. Jennifer ended up divorcing Marc after 8 years of marriage and twins together whilst Ben and Jen G are going on ten years of marriage and three kids.Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey….the breakup that the whole world felt, they were together for over 8 years, got married and ended up in divorce after 3 years…soon after that, Nick found comfort with Vanessa Lachey and Jessica struggled to find love with John Mayer, Tony Romo and eventually found her match with ex-NFL player Eric Johnson. After 5 years together Nick and Vanessa were married, Jessica got pregnant and welcomed a daughter in May ’12 and Nick welcomed a son in Sept ’12. Now they both are happily married with two kids each – Nick with a boy named Camden and a new born daughter Brooklyn and Jessica with her daughter Maxwell and son Ace. What I find adorable is Jessica and Eric look like the blonde version of Barbie and Ken and Nick and Vanessa look like the brunette version of the dolls! Each couple compliment each other so beautifully.

George Clooney was with Stacey Keibler for two years and he famously declared he never wanted kids or marriage, a year after the breakup Stacey found herself happily married and preparing to welcome a baby girl, while George married his new girlfriend of less than a year Amal Alamuddin. It took him an intelligent and beautiful Lebanese woman to know when you find the right one, you do right by them by giving them more than just a title. Julissa Bermudez was with ex-NFL player Larry Johnson for 5 years and they were engaged but never made it down the alter. Larry struggled with drinking and was arrested for domestic abuse several times. During an episode of her reality show she ran into him and couldn’t hold back her tears of frustration as Larry revealed he is sober, happily in love and has a one year old daughter. Each revelation, Julissa told her friends later, was like a dagger in her heart. During her relationship with the athlete, she says he drank to excess, wasn’t trying to be faithful and – although he wanted a baby – wasn’t yet ready to be a father.

The worst is Naya Rivera and Big Sean who were engaged and set to be married in July of 2014 after being together for two years…Naya did end up getting married on the same date, same wedding dress and same location that was set to be with Sean…expect it was a different engagement ring and a groom who is actor Ryan Dorsey. She married her new guy after being broken up with Sean for four months and they are now expecting a baby together, while Big Sean recently broke up with Ariana Grande after 8 months of dating…oddest coupling ever.

The list goes on and on from famous celebs and people you personally know that its happened to.He tells you he isn’t ready for marriage, so you break up to learn soon after that he is engaged to his new girlfriend. She tells you she doesn’t want kids so you decide to break it off, and then you see her happy and pregnant with her new dude. Life changes after you part with someone and as hard as it may be to understand, it’s simply destiny working for you not against you. You are meant to be in someone’s life for a reason but aren’t meant to be with them for a lifetime. Not everyone you marry you are supposed to have kids with and grow old together, and not everyone you have kids with you are meant to be with.

I have always been the girl with no title and just the girl “I talk to” and never been the girlfriend and I always stayed dealing with someone longer than I should have. Every time me and a guy would cut it off, I would see how they quickly get with another girl and those girls became their girlfriends but I wasn’t able to be given that title because I was so adamant about keeping my virginity till marriage. No guy wanted to stick with me and it always hurt to see them in relationships so quickly after they would stop talking to me! (I’ve had two long situations and just 3 guys I talked to) I always felt as though I wasn’t worthy as a woman to be loved. I held myself back and I never gave in and I was always given up on. In my two situations, one was physically and emotionally abusive and in the 9 months we were “together” he never took me out on a date, instead we would hang out in his car and just argue. Shortly after we stopped dealing with each other he got together with a girl I knew, and he treated her with respect, showed her off as his girl and took her on dates and all. I clearly wasn’t what he wanted, but it still stung that I wasn’t worthy of his kindness or to be taken out anywhere. She ended up cheating on him, we started to talk again, and then he ended up getting with a new girl, we started to talk yet again till I found out he had a newborn son with her and I finally cut him out of my life.

And another relationship that left me heartbroken and lead me to be single for 8 years (lame…I know), was with a guy I knew since we were little kids, our families were friends and it just felt right to finally  get together when we got older. He showed me so much admiration and respect, we weren’t in love yet but it felt like I had a shot of love once and for all. We talked about marriage and he would call me five times a day till the calls stopped and I found out he got back with an ex-girlfriend. They ended up getting married due to her pregnancy, but sadly, they lost the twins they were expecting prematurely and they ended up divorced, years after that he reached out to me several times and we would talk again but due to his heartbreak over the loss of his kids and other stuff, he was never been the same and went on a dark path of drugs and jail. I have never been told “I love you” from a guy and my father walked out of my life when I was 12 after my parents divorced. He stopped being a parent when he was no longer a husband. So I am aware I have some deep rooted male/daddy issues, so to speak, and for so long I have convinced myself that love won’t ever find me, but as I get older and as the comfort of my loneliness continues to linger, I am realizing that a career isn’t going to fulfill me and bring me happiness like having a family of my own will, and that I need to allow love in and not just give it. I’ll be 26 in the summer; a virgin and very single for the last 8 years. I have turned down every guy who asked for my number and for a date. I just don’t feel ready and I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t want to waste mine or their time because I know it’ll end before it begins soon as I tell them I am a virgin still. Honestly, I feel pathetic and I always imagine having a boyfriend and what it would be like and how good of a partner I know I will be..I have done all the right things yet I have nothing to show for being the “good girl” but I am starting to have hope that I will have love and I know that what is meant for me will come to me. You can”t force it and you can’t look for it. I am spiritual and I truly believe that God has big things in store for me and God has yet to fail me. Everything I have wanted has either happened to me or instead, something better came along.

Sorry didn’t mean to go way off subject…it’s just examples of coming out of heartbreak and really bad situations with a person and you finding out the hard way that they are better off without you, or you are better off without them. It’s hard to see someone be happy with someone else when they couldn’t be content with you. You feel as though you failed as a person and you failed that particular person. But in the end, as bad as it was, as bad as it hurt, you end up glad that you didn’t get what you thought you deserved, sometimes life leads you down a different road when you are holding on to someone you have to let go. There is always good in goodbye.

Look at Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush for a good example! They were together on and off for four years. All she ever spoke about was her desire to get married and have kids with Reggie, and hinted at an engagement to him plenty of times via interviews and her reality show. Shortly after they broke things off, Reggie settled down with another Armenian beauty, Lilit Avagyan, who oddly enough resembles Kim K before her surgeries. As for Kimmy cakes she famously struggled to find love; she dated Miles Austin, Aubry Gabriel and went on to famously marry Kris Humphries in August after a whirlwind courtship that  lasted less than two years as she surprised him with a divorce in October ’12, to only start dating Kanye West in December ’12 and by June ’13 she had a baby with Kanye…all while still being married to Kris, as they were still going through a nasty divorce battle. In the end, Kim got her happy ending and is now married to Kanye West and they have become a larger than life household name together.

Ironically, Reggie and Kim are going through the same exact life changes in the same exact timeline but with different people. Reggie and his than fiance welcomed a daughter in March ’13, and Kim welcomed her daughter North West in June ’13. Kim got married that following May and Reggie got married a few months after in July, and now they are both expecting sons – Reggie and his wife due to welcome a son in Sept ’15 and Kim and Kanye are set to welcome a son later this year in December. Side-note: After Kanye and Amber Rose broke up – he hooked up with Kim before she married Kris and Amber Rose hooked up with Reggie after he broke up with Kim. Talk about a parallel life between the two exes! It’s crazy that the same things are happening to each of them at the same time, engagements, marriages and children (down to the same sex, same year and both births be so close to each other) Again, sometimes the reasons you don’t get what you want and all that you wish for with a person you are in love with at the time,  is all happening because you are meant to have your wishes come true with someone else.

Don’t both these little beauties resemble each other? Just like their moms do! LOL!

Thought of the day: Parallel lives w/ Exes