“There comes a time when you gotta be like, you know I’ve come this far on my own, done a lot for myself…where to now.”
photo of me by my friend.
“There comes a time when you gotta be like, you know I’ve come this far on my own, done a lot for myself…where to now.”
photo of me by my friend.
Did you all watch the Oscars last night? I skimmed through it. It was boring, to be quiet honest. Neil Patrick Harris was OK, not great, and all I kept thinking was bring back Ellen DeGeneres! The show was long, boring and awkward at times. And might I add, the skit with his predictions locked in a box…all I kept thinking was inside the brief case in the glass box is a note telling NPH not to do the bit about the brief case in the box. The acceptance speeches all had a lot of great and powerful messages. My favorite line was Julienne Moore thanking her husband and telling him “Thank you for giving me a home.” had me in tears. Anyway, my favorite part of the night was John Legend and Common ‘s performance. My two favorite artists joined together and wrote a beautiful song for the movie SELMA. I was brought to tears and replayed it twice, and downloaded the song on iTunes quickly after. They both are such great examples and great leaders, they both have won numerous Grammy awards respectively, and recently won a Golden Globe and now an Oscar together for their song “GLORY”. SO happy for them, so very well deserved! And I loved their speech. You can tell they knew their win was a lot bigger than the both of them.
And since its Monday, my MCM goes to Common. The way he looks, the way he speaks and the way he carries himself is so intriguing and super sexy.
All the glory goes to my fashion icon, and someone who constantly exudes Hollywood glamor and never ever misses when it comes to fashion and the red carpet. She can do no wrong, and I sound repetitive because every time she comes out on the red carpet, I choose her as my favorite dressed and I have ran out of words to describe her effortless style and beauty. She always gets it on point from the hair, to the makeup and accessories. I love this Elie Saab dress on her. Its a different look for her because the dress isn’t body fitted and its a lot of dress for someone who has a body like hers, but she gets it and she switches it up. And I just loved everything about this look. She was glowing, the dress was flowy and she stole the night. Jenny is that one and only girl who made it up from the block and to the top.
Cate Blanchett in a black Maison Margiela dress with a turquoise necklace. I love black with pops of color, and I loved this look. One word: Elegant.
Carmen Ejogo. Wore a Houghton shimmering dress. I love Hollywood Glamor, and I love the choker necklace and her soft makeup and the dark lips. She looked beautiful.
Faith Hill looked beautiful in a J Mendel dress. It is very age appropriate and she looked breathtaking.
Another favorite of mine, Chrissy Teigen, always looks beautiful on carpet. I love the hair, the makeup. Simply stunning in her high slit plunging Zuhair Murad gown. This was my second favorite look of the night.
Emma Stone looked green with envy in her Elie Saab gown. Love the dress, I hated the hair.
Margot Robbie looked gorgeous in her black Saint Laurent dress. I love how simple this looks, you can’t go wrong with black. I love the red lips, I am just not crazy about the necklace. It would have looked better without it.
If you can’t tell by now, I love old Hollywood glamor, and I love a long sleeve dress!
What did you guys think? Disagree with my best dress choices?
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beil just announced they are expecting their first child. Justin announced it on his instagram thanking everyone for wishing his birthday wishes and said “This year I am getting the GREATEST GIFT EVER, CAN’T WAIT.” Their baby is going to be just as beautiful, as the two of them. I can’t be mad at Jessica for being with my childhood and adulthood love Justin, since she is insanely beautiful and classy in all ways. They have been together since 2007, split briefly in 2010, engaged in 2011 and were married in October 2012.
I couldn’t help but think this was supposed to be me!!!!! LOL! Along with millions of other women. My first concert was NSYNC and I was obsessed with all things Justin. During the concert I felt he made eye contact with me, in an arena of 80,000 people and I literally couldn’t stop crying. I felt the connection, is what my delusional young self kept saying. And I used to blow a candle for his birthday, #embarrassing, and I used to love that his b-day was on Jan, 31 and mine is July, 31. The obsession was so real. Oh! And my 16th birthday I spent it in TRL while Justin co-hosted the entire hour. We are connected in many ways..no? Still delusional? Okay, never-mind. Anyyyyyyyyyyyway, congrats to the insanely beautiful couple!!!
“Every once in a while I can catch a glimpse of her when she doesn’t see me looking, and I have this moment where I’m like ‘If you only make bad decisions for the rest of your life, you made one really good decision.” – Justin on wife, Jessica.
I was watching Snooki & J.Wow last night, and I found myself in tears. It was the episode where Nicole gives birth to her second child. Listening to her talk about how happy she is, how much she loves her kids and how she feels as though her life is now complete, really made me emotional. This is the life I want, these are the words I want to feel and this is a type of moment I have wanted to experience. The tears flowed heavier when I saw her mother going inside the delivery room when Snooki said I need my mom. I kept thinking about wanting this moment for my mother more than anything else. I want my mom to experience her daughter trying on wedding dresses and watching me walk down the aisle, I want my mom to hold my hand when I am giving birth and to be by my side as I transition from being her baby to a mother of my baby.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I picture myself pregnant and imagine how I would look instead. Whenever I hear of someone recently given birth, I envision what it would be like for me in the delivery room and when I see a mom with her kids, I tear up and pray that it will be me one day. Honest to God, I always get emotional when I see a baby and mother and every time I close my eyes to sleep, I create moments I imagine would be real when I have my husband and kids. I so dreadfully want faces to the names I have come up with for my future kids to come to life already. The next beautiful baby I see and hold; I want it to be my own. The next baby showers I attend, I want it to finally be for me.
There isn’t a day that passes by that I don’t think about or dream of having children. I have always wanted to be a mother, and as I get older I am in constant fear that time is running out. I turned 25 in July, and I am still struggling with that number, I am now in my late twenties, never been in love or in a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months, still a virgin and I am clearly neither close to marriage or having a child. I grew up thinking life was going to happen exactly how I imagined with a specific timeline. When I was in JHS to High School, I didn’t have time to be in a relationship and be a kid since I was having back to back operations and missing out on school and parties. I missed out on a childhood in many ways. I had one relationship that turned abusive and when I was in college, I had my first real heartbreak and became terrified of love and relationships. And I chose to stay a virgin and hold off till marriage, which is one of the biggest reasons why I haven’t been able to be in a meaningful and lasting relationship. These are all my choices. I chose to remain a virgin, because I believe in that fairy tale and saving yourself for your soul mate. I chose to no longer give men a chance due to a terrible heartbreak, not date and focus solely on having a career. I have been so scared of the idea of marriage, due to my parent’s divorce and I am a bundle of fears, with the biggest trepidation that I won’t get to hold a bundle of joy that is my own.
I have attended so many bridal showers, weddings, baby showers and kid birthday parties. When is it going to be for me? Is what I always question every time I sit in a table and celebrate another person’s life. All around me are friends who are in relationships, planning weddings and delivering babies. All my closest cousins are having children, and the new generation of cousins is getting to grow up together, while I am on the sidelines standing on my own in a standstill, watching these beautiful kids run around, envisioning myself chasing after my child, but only having lots of love to give the children that aren’t my own.
Most of all, I know my mother is questioning when these moments will happen for her daughters. She jokingly mentions how much of a looser I am for not having a boyfriend and how all her friends daughters are either in relationships or getting married. I know the next wedding she RSVP’s to, is yet another reminder that it isn’t a celebration of either one of her daughters, the next baby in our family that enters our lives, is another moment that passes her and not a single step closer to her becoming a grand-mother. Isn’t it crazy how fast time flies and one day, you are suddenly hit with all your regrets and reminders. I know I am still young, but society and families put so much pressure on you if you are a woman by a certain age and without a husband. Personally, I have put pressure on myself for establishing a career only, because I felt as though that is what I should focus more on, since being raised by a divorced single educated mother, and focus less on what I want and what I am scared to attain. I am a strong believer in destiny and that everything happens to us when it is supposed to happen. But you still can’t help ponder on how much you want and how little you really have.
More than anything in the world, I want to have children. My greatest fear is not having any, and continuing to live my life being idle. I also know I am holding myself back from saying NO to every man who ask me to go out with them, and staying home and wishing for a fuller life while feeling empty and wasting away in my apartment. I’ll figure out how to allow love in my life eventually, but in the meantime, I know once it all happens for me, all the wishes, dreams and hesitations I had, will all fade away and I’ll melt into my new reality. It is then, when life will begin for me and my existence will find its purpose. Oprah once said “You can have it all, just not at all once”. Maybe now, I am having it all by accomplishing my dreams, moving into my dream city and working in my dream job. You know, I used to think I didn’t have any regrets, because I didn’t do much and lived life by the rules but I do. Not so much about the choices I’ve made but in my actions. I feel as though I have such a good girl, with nothing to show for it. I should have learned how to forgive a long time ago. Maybe I would be on a different road. Then again, maybe not, maybe there are stages to your destiny and now mine is to conquer my fears, let go of the chains that are tying me down, be settled in my career and love myself as an individual. My deep desire for having a child will be fulfilled, my anger towards my father will be diminished and the desperation of a girl wanting her own family because her own family portrait ripped apart due to a demise of parents marriage and absence of a father, will be replaced with her own photograph of a family; a depiction of the faces I have tried to create will suddenly become real, and love, which is exactly what I have run from, will swiftly become a sensation that will full up my life and everything I have longed for will have found its way to me. I’ll stop running away from people, emotions and places, and have a home of my own where I’ll finally belong, after all.
I have always been obsessed with writing and photography. I believe I have a very creative mind and great visual ideas but I don’t have the right outlet or ever the right setting to make my ideas come to life. I can listen to a song and quickly envision and create a video to it in my head, when I am snapping pictures of someone, I am constantly telling them how to stand, how to pose and what to do so I can capture the image I have in mind. In fact, I have always wanted to be a creative director and work on videos and photography, but that dream of mine, along with plenty of others, won’t come true, but I can continue to snap photos of family and friends!
A friend of mine visited me over the summer, we were walking to the beach and I have wanted an under water camera for so long, so we stopped so I can finally buy one and she was the perfect model who listened and followed my instructions to get a good pic! LOL! Whenever I am swimming in the pool or beach, I always go to a floating position and I face the sky, sometimes my eyes are open and sometimes they aren’t – depending if it is very sunny or not, and I literally just say a prayer to God. It sounds so cheesy but I am just tremendously grateful for life, the bumpy road I was on and the path I am embarking on today. It has become a ritual for me when I am in the water to look up and say a prayer. Anyway, I wanted to capture a moment that I have when I am swimming, so I asked my friend to pose the way she was, and to look up with her eyes closed. I made the photo in black and white, and I absolutely love how the picture came out. She is such a beautiful woman and with a beautiful soul and no one else would have been able to help me capture a picture like this. So, I am thankful for her and this picture!
This is one of plenty of photos I have taken, I will share a snap of mine every week! Believe it or not, as much as I love photography, I don’t own a professional camera…yet. I never have the money to buy one, and I used to take pictures in a digital camera but now with an iPhone and apps with filters, taking pictures has become a lot easier and a lot more, since you can just whip out your phone and snap away!
Alexa Chung! I love her style. This is my go-to look for work, just tuck in a slouchy blouse with skinny jeans or pants and it makes for a great comfortable outfit. I am loving all white lately, and I actually like how minimal this look is with no accessories and just red lipstick. Her black and white flats look pretty cool too. As simple as this look is, it is truthfully the best kind of look, it is effortless and you can even do so much with an outfit styled like this by adding jackets/blazers, boots/flats/heels and necklaces.
Kim Kardashian-West, once a upon the girl used to be able to dress, now she just looks like she is trying wayyyyyyy to hard to be high fashion. It has always been a hit or a miss with her when it came to her wardrobe choices, but lately she has been having plenty of hot messes and misses. Since being with Kanye West she has revamped her look, and I am not quiet feeling it. Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I am obsessing over an outfit of hers but those times don’t come that often. Take this look for example, she wore a silk two piece set to a W magazine dinner. She is basically wearing silk pajamas that looks like she wears to sleep and around the house and thought it would make a cute outfit to wear outside the house, and it just doesn’t work. It could have had potential if she wore the robe as a dress without the pants with a sexy pair of pumps, but this is all shades of wrong. Style should be effortless, and her style just screams “I am trying too hard”. My advice: Hire a new stylist, and stop taking fashion advice from Kanye.