Thought of the day

So! This past weekend I went out! It has been two years since I had a night out with friends, after work my new co-workers and I went club hopping. I am such a homebody that I truly don’t understand the big deal about going out clubbing, my idea of a great night out is getting dressed up or being dressed in sweats and going out to dinners or movies. Being at this setting proved to me why I do hate going out to parties. Drunks everywhere, guys being aggressive and girls half-naked. It still disgusts me how these young girls disrespect themselves by acting sloppy!

I get why guys are dogs because it’s not only their nature to be one but some of these girls basically give themselves to guys for the night are the reason guys think all girls are going to go to go home with them. I am not boy crazy and I am not the one to dance with guys, I stick to my girls and that’s it. As guys approach, I walk away. I don’t want your sweat or your package on me! You don’t find love in a club. Everyone going there is either just wanting to have a fun time with friends or with friends trying to find a good time. Some are dancing their stress away while others are dancing in hopes to find someone and get laid.

The beginning of the night I spotted this one guy who was so handsome and exactly my type, which is hard to believe I can find here in the South. I even joked to my friend that I just met my future husband! As the night progressed my girls and I were dancing, dodging guys and just having fun. Our last stop, hours later I saw the same guy! His friend actually waved to me, I waved back and I kept walking. My friend and I went to sit at the bar and suddenly I found myself talking to this guy for almost two hours.

-> By the way, when a guy first spots a girl…why do they just stare at them?!  What are you supposed to do? A guy should always approach the girl first, not just share glances. I like when a guy goes for what he a respectful way, of course!

He was very sweet and we had what I thought was a real and fun conversation and we even found that we have a lot in common. He was respectful and charming but I can tell he was dangerously handsome. Guys who are really handsome are the ones who know they can get whatever they want. Through out our conversation in my head I even questioned why is he talking to a girl like me. We looked in each others eyes as we spoke, which to me should always mean truthful conversations. Silly me! By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers. He texts me less than an hour later asking me if I would like some company and I said NO. It was then I got the feeling this guy just wanted one thing. It’s been a while since I’ve even allowed a guy to have my time so for me to let my guards down and even give my number to a stranger was a big step. I kept saying to myself “this feels natural with him”. He texts me in the morning and we had an adorable and charming conversation until he texts me “Baby Girl…you a virgin?” I was taken back! I told him if this is what this is about, good-bye and he then says “my friend told me your friend said you were a good girl..” I then told him I hope you find the girl for the night and have a safe trip back home and he then says “I didn’t mean it like a bad thing. If you are that’s a good thing and I am glad you wouldn’t just give it up but i am not a good boy. sorry if i ruined your day, it was really nice meeting you, you are beautiful and i still had a great time” and I ended it with “and that’s exactly the difference between a boy and a man”. The reason it felt natural, was because it was never real to begin with.

This guy was actually very sweet and charming and we found in that two hours in a loud club that we have a lot in common and enjoyed each others company but either this guy was fake and wanted to just have sex and used his charm to get his way or guys whether they are sweet or aggressive just feel as though they need to have sex before getting to know someone. What irked me the most was why bother even having conversations with someone? You can tell by a girl with the way she is dressed and how she is acting that she is or isn’t willing to go home with you, some you don’t even need to butter up so why bother having conversations with a girl who obviously looks like she is not that girl. I hate when people pretend or have ill intentions. Just be truthful and don’t waste anyone’s time. In that two hours we were talking he would’ve found that girl for the night, so he was so stupid to waste his time as well. Especially to a girl who was dressed and acting appropriately and wasn’t even drinking. Truth be told, I just don’t look like that girl anyway. Growing up in JHS and HS my body was mature for my age, I was called JLO because of my curves and always struggled with older men hitting on me and just guys thinking because I had a butt and a nice body that I was sexual. It’s always been an issue that I ignored and even felt ashamed of. I was always a challenge to guys and I think some are fascinated by me because of my looks and curves and because of the way I carried myself and how hard I was to break.

Truthfully, I wasn’t surprised. There is a reason why my guards are up and I choose not to go out and be out there to meet people, I know what guys want and it’s not what I want or will ever give them. So why bother? I don’t like to waste my time. It’s also crazy to me how there are these girls that do go home with random guys. Some can lead to relationships, while other times it’ll just be a one night stand. I can’t ever understand that.I have in my mind that no guys will want me because I can’t give them the cookies. I’d rather have that then feel cheap and used or worry if he is going to call me back.

Being intimate with someone is so sacred to me. We all have choices and mine is to save myself for marriage. I want it to be with someone who I am in love with and is in love with me, someone who I will have forever with. It’s me giving myself completely to someone who respects and values me. I don’t take that lightly. It’s my body, it’s my mind and my heart. It’s so sacred and I want it to be pure and emotional. I want it to be the right thing not something I will regret, not with someone I don’t even know if I have a future with. Not loose it to someone, to break up and meet someone else and it goes on and on. I want just one person to be my first and last, to be inside of me not just physically but be as one emotionally and spiritually. It will take someone very special to appreciate that and that someone will be worthy of me.

Of course I think about the fact that I am 24 years old and unable to have a real solid relationship because of the sex factor. Do I think about sex? Of course, I’d be lying to say I don’t. You are curious about it, you wonder what it would be like and with whom. Do you sometimes feel like you should just give it up and get it over with? Of course! You get tired of being that girl who is alone and holding the virginity card. On one hand I love that it is something to be respected, yet on the other hand I resent that it is something that I am labeled. I also know  us girls are so hard to find, especially a 24-year-old at this day and age. However, I know I can offer so much more and like I said earlier, it will take someone so special to see beyond the V card and truly want to get to know me. I am on my own, I can count in less than ONE hand how many boys I kissed, I rent a house, I own a car, I work two jobs while going to school full-time. I offer stability and most importantly loyalty. I don’t want anything in return, I don’t want to be wined and dined or be spoiled. I want a foundation. I want someone to share dreams with and build a future with. Someone who will ask for my hand in marriage and who appreciates the fact I saved myself for him, and him only. I believe those men deserve that, it’s what all men want but it takes a real special guy to wait for it and truly appreciate it. While most guys just want to put the P in the V, I know there are some out there who want to get to know you from A-Z. My guy is out there somewhere, and if he isn’t then that’s fine, I will learn to accept my destiny.

The was the first experience I had with going out to a club/bar and meeting guys there and talking to them.  I have always met guys through school or mutual friends and since I used to be so ashamed of being a virgin I was never straight up about it, they never asked and we would just build a friendship till it would fizzle out when they would see nothing was really happening. Expect for that one time where I was getting kicked out of a car on a highway because I said NO to my ex when I found out he was taking me a to a hotel. So all in all, sex has always been an issue for me. I just have an angel on my shoulders, no devil telling me what to do. I know what I should do and this is what is right for me.

So please, girls don’t feel pressured to have sex. Don’t just give it up because you are tired of waiting or tired of being the lonely girl. Your prince charming is out there, don’t look for him he will come when it’s your time. Don’t allow yourself to feel cheap and used for sex and don’t feel like you need to dress or act a certain way to get their attention. I am actually proud that I went out and even let my walls down and give my number to a stranger. It always feel good when a guy is interested in you, but be aware of your restrictions and guys limitations. I can’t tell you not to be ashamed or resentful of all things sex because I’ve been there, but I can tell you how special you are and it takes a strong woman to hold off and follow her heart, not others. I also, don’t want you to feel ashamed if you are sexually active. Your choices are nothing to be ashamed of, if you regret it than it’s something that will always linger but nothing you can change and everything you’ve done or haven’t done shapes who you are.

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