Thought of the day

“Bill Hudson [her father] doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall. But I don’t care. I have a dad [Kurt Russell]. The bottom line is, you call your kids on their f**king birthday. I’m glad I had a dad who was there on my birthday. Kurt is my dad, he is a savior who came into my life.”

Kate pictured with Kurt Russell

 

The offending tweet: Oliver Hudson posted this picture of his father Bill, and sister Kate on Father's Day

On Father’s Day, Oliver Hudson shared an Instagram photo of himself, his sister Kate Hudson, and his biological father Bill Hudson. “Happy Abandonment Day,” Oliver captioned the photograph, he later shared a photograph of himself with his stepfather Kurt Russell, thanking Russell (“Pa”). Kate also shared a photo of herself and Russell, with nearly identical sentiments about Russell whom the siblings clearly think of as their father. The Instagram posts appeared to have angered their biological father who, in an interview with the Daily Mail, has now publicly disowned his two eldest children. Bill claims that his alienation from his two famous children was the fault of his ex-wife Goldie Hawn: “When we split up, she never had a bad word to say about me, but when Kurt came on the scene, the narrative changed and I became the big, bad wolf. I would say to her “Goldie, why are you trashing me and saying I’m an absent father when it’s simply not the case?” and she’d laugh and go “Oh Bill, you know it makes for a better story”.  He said during the interview.

Eventually, Bill says, the fiction became fact as first Kate, now 36, and then Oliver, 38, ‘drifted away’ from him and rejected his repeated pleas to remain part of their lives. He lays the blame at Goldie’s door. I believe the drip, drip, drip of poison which started when they were kids finally took hold,’ he says. ‘Goldie wanted to create this myth of a perfect family with Kurt and she wanted me out.’

The interview goes even farther downhill from there — he paints Hawn as lying and manipulative  who sees her children as little more than conduits for “money and power.” He goes on to accuse his ex-wife of manipulating their children to embrace a Hollywood-ready version of their childhood: the absent dad and the loving stepfather; none of which, he says, is true. Rather, as always with these claims, he casts himself as a steadfast father who was constantly thwarted by his vengeful ex-wife.

He says Goldie used her increasing fame and financial superiority to ‘freeze’ him out. ‘I call it parental alienation. We had a custody arrangement but Goldie constantly flouted it. I’d turn up to see the kids and would discover Goldie had taken them on the private jet to her home in Colorado. She gave interviews about her “wonderful” relationship with Kurt and how the kids called him “Pa” and it confused me.” As Kate’s fame grew she, too, accused her father of being an absentee dad: ‘There was never a birthday card,’ she complained, to which Bill responds: ‘Rubbish! I sent birthday cards every year. ‘I ring her up every birthday, still do. The same with Oliver. I bumped into Oliver fairly recently in a supermarket in Malibu and he gave me a hug. I always thought Oliver could be the peacemaker, that somehow he would help bring our fractured family back together.”

“Goldie poisoned them against me. She told the kids I’d moved to Portland. I did go to Portland for eight months to make an album but then I came back to LA. I never abandoned my family. I never walked away. I wanted to be a father to Kate and Oliver but Goldie made it harder and harder for me to see them. It’s all about control. What Goldie wants, Goldie gets.” He recalled going to mediation during their custody battle. ‘Goldie grabbed my forearm as we were leaving and said to me: “It’s all about the money and power, babe.”’

When Oliver and Kate were in their early teens, Bill decided to end the court battles and told the children his door was always open to them. ‘Oliver would come and stay with me. We’d go fishing, have sleep-overs. But Kate drifted away.’

The pair enjoyed an uneasy rapprochement when Kate started dating Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson, father of her elder son Ryder, 11. She also has a three-year-old son Bingham with British rocker Matt Bellamy, from whom she split last year after four years.

‘At one point, I was writing a letter to my children every week for a year. Did those letters ever get to them? Who knows? When I read some of the comments on social media, it was so hurtful. People believe the bull****. Well, I’m here to say it’s just not true.’ At first, Bill picks his words carefully over Kate’s Father’s Day photo of herself with Kurt. ‘It was an intimate shot and, as her father, I found it inappropriate and unsettling. I’ll leave it at that,’ he says. Then, angrily, he adds: ‘She wants to be Kurt’s daughter? Well then, take his name, stop using mine.’ He has removed photographs of Kate and Oliver from his home and even thrown away their knitted baby booties ‘which I carried in the glove compartment of every car I’ve ever owned for good luck’.

Last week, Oliver posted a reply to one fan in which he was unrepentant, emphasizing his closeness to Kurt Russell: ‘What started out as what I thought as a joke has turned into something more. And I embrace that. I’ve done and continue to do a lot of work on myself to better understand what make me tick. Yes, science links us but love binds us. OH + KR = ♥’

Bill is clearly still deeply wounded. He says: ‘Oliver could have picked up the phone and called me but he hasn’t. What shocks me is that this was clearly premeditated. He chose the photograph and posted it on Father’s Day, when he knew it would cause maximum pain. Oliver has lived in the shadow of his mother and sister all his life. Maybe he wanted to be in the headlines? ‘If what he wanted was me out of their lives, then he’s succeeded. I don’t want to see either of my eldest children ever again. It’s over.”

“I say to them, I set you free…I had five birth children but I now consider myself a father of three. I no longer recognize Oliver and Kate as my own. That was like a dagger to the heart…I would ask them to stop using the Hudson name. They are no longer a part of my life. Oliver’s Instagram post was a malicious, vicious, premeditated attack. He is dead to me now. As is Kate. I am mourning their loss even though they are still walking this earth.”

Wow! This was pretty emotional for me to read through. I always say that my father stopped being a father to me and my sister, when he stopped being a husband to my mother. It’s always hard when there is divorce and kids involved. When kids are hurt they are entitled to their pain, but for some reason are always made to feel wrong for feeling badly towards their absent parent. Kate and Oliver were lucky to have Kurt Russell in their lives and be there for them when their father couldn’t. Very rare do kids get to have a step parent who look after the kids as their own, especially at such a young age. My mother recently remarried after being divorced and single for 16 years, and because I am much older it’s hard for me to allow her husband in my life and see him as a step-father, I am so disconnected with male relationships and “father figures”.  I just see him as the great husband he is to my mother. And it’s also sad for Bill to have been shut out from his kids lives due to his ex-wife finding love and having her recreate a family portrait with your kids and the man who is supposed to be you is replaced by someone else in every way. It’s a messy situation and it is clear that no matter how old you get, you will always hold pain and resentment towards you father if he never made great efforts in being in your life. The way I see it, there should be nothing to ever stop a father from being a parent, even if the mother is in the way and new marriages come along. You fight for your kids and you don’t let anything stop you from being there for them. It doesn’t matter what the obstacle is and what mountains you have to climb to get to them. I don’t blame Oliver for posting that picture and mentioning “abandonment” if that’s how he feels, he feels failed by his father and has every right to his hurt, but I do think it makes it harder when the family is a public figure.

This was all similar to a situation I found myself in on Father’s Day of last year. I posted a throwback picture on instagram of my mother, my sister and I titled “Happy Father’s Day Mom.”. It set a cousin of mine off, which then set me off! I thought to myself how dare he have any type of opinion over something that has nothing to do with him and that is deeply personal to me. He wrote under my picture “you have a dad, why won’t you go call him.” Everyone in my family and in life knows that my father lives out of the country and I have never had a phone number of his to call, and I never even had an email of his and the only communication we have had through the years was through Facebook. It set an explosive ugly argument via text messages and led us not to speak for a year. Among other things, hee was under the impression that I have this great dad who I speak to all the time, which was far from the truth, just because I never speak about the negative things I feel towards my father it doesn’t mean that there aren’t some hurtful issues I have been dealing with. My mother has never once ever uttered a bad word about her ex-husband, she has always encouraged us to contact him on FB and to have a relationship but I have always been stubborn, and the times I would reach out to him he wasn’t being communicative and always made me feel guilty of being this terrible daughter who doesn’t care about her father. As a child, a daughter and a woman, I feel as though my father failed me and failed in his role to be a parent to me. He never tried instead he made excuses. He blamed my mother for everything and took responsibility for nothing. After they divorced we visited him two straight summers until he got remarried, didn’t invite us nor did he tell us about his wedding, he stopped contacting us and from than on, he stopped wanting us in the summers and in his life completely, as he began to have children with his new wife. He never once called my mother to ask her about us, even when I was going through numerous surgeries (which my uncle took it upon himself at the time to contact him and let him know his daughter is very sick, still I barely heard from him),  some years he would call us and wish us Happy Birthday (my sis and I share the same birthday but 2 years apart) and other years he skipped and was never consistent, the times he would call the house to speak to us and my mother would pick up he would hang up and keep calling till my sister and me would answer. As we got older, I assume he started to feel left out and blamed us for making him feel that way and for showcasing our love and appreciation for our mother on her birthdays or mothers day through FB, and he was hurt that we would never mention him. He wanted recognition for being our parent, when he wasn’t even being a father. #Delusional. My sister has made amends with him and I have still refused to acknowledge him. I have fought him numerous times for him to tell me he is sorry and he has always refused to take accountability. He taught me the hard way that in life you have to learn how to accept an apology you will never get. I have been mourning the loss of my father, even though he is still living on this earth being a father to his three kids. Just as I am sure he has been mourning the loss of his two daughters, when all he had to do was own up to his mistakes and acknowledge our pain in his absence, instead of pushing us further away as he played the victim. That’s the thing, the parents should never get to play the victim to their children and instead, should always be victorious as parents.

And safe to say this year for father’s day, I didn’t post anything on my instagram and instead decided to delete my Facebook because I finally decided he isn’t deserving of seeing how I look now and how good I am doing without him. I also went through my Instagram followers and saw he was a follower and I  blocked him! #Petty but I don’t care! LOL!

What are you thoughts on this? Can you relate like I can?

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