Poem: I Am

Who Am I?
Am I who they want me to be
Am I who I should be
Am I the girl I used to be
Am I the woman I want to be
Who do I oughta be to be happy..within
Me, myself…is all I have to give
But that’s never enough,
Everyone asks for too much.

You are too big, can always be too thin enough.
You are too loud, you aren’t loud enough.
You are too quiet, you aren’t quiet enough.
You are too revered, never wild enough.
You are smart, but can always be dumb enough.

You are too sensitive, you feel too much.
You cry too much, there is an ocean just made of your tears
They don’t want to know your fears
You express too much, must suppress it all.
Gotta pick myself up when I fall.

You are too alone, go somewhere and roam.
Stop staying home, there is a whole new world outside
They don’t know, I appreciate the silence in a world that never stops talking.
I just keep walking
Walked away from these Brooklyn streets filled with too many memories.
Right here on the pier reminds me of Mitchell,
First heartbreak, biggest mistake.
Right over here on 6th ave is filled with moments of Joseph.
Hiding behind a tree just to see his smile,
so no one can see us, found a little park to hide
the leaves would fall, never wanted the season to change
but they changed colors as fast as he changed his mind.
Something so sweet became so sour
I was 18, now I am 24, no kiss since then..
a little back and forth wit him..
I was loyal to my memories of him.

You don’t date, you need a boyfriend.
You love too much, but have no one to love you.
You reveal too much, stop sharing your writings.
You are too sad, stop telling your story
You are too happy, remember your story.

Your butt is getting too big
Your mind is getting smaller
Look in the mirror, this is not the Roe we know.
What to her body, what happened to her soul..
Look at her hair, she doesn’t even do it anymore
We thought she loved fashion, what happened to her passions?
Look at how she dresses, always in black…like she has something to mourn.
She must’a let herself go.
What for, we don’t know, we don’ care.
Her body has gone through surgeries and depression
Scars, starves and all.
All these scars don’t matter, she must never show
She is supposed to be what we want her to be.

She is shy, yet she puts up pictures
Through her phone, she is confident
Her insecurities are loud, she must never let them peak.
Yet, they bring her down with words that hurt, and she takes it all in.
Tell her to stop posting up pictures,
She should be quiet about her life, not everyone needs to know.
Look at how she poses, always with the same angle
Where she goes, where she is and how good her make up looks
Hey, what happened to Roe
She stopped putting up pictures, what is she hiding
Through all her selfless and scenery, her life they will never know.

She works too hard, doesn’t work enough
She moves too fast, still slow enough.
She never sits still, look how lazy she is.
She can’t drive, yet is always where you need her to be
You call, she runs.
Doesn’t call enough, doesn’t agree with us enough.
She tells them what they want to hear, still can never please anyone enough.
Tired of never being enough.

You see, the world has been bringing her down
Strong through it all, they still don’t want to give her credit for being human.

Who am I?
I am what they tell I am
I am what I know I am
I am what I am not
I am what I have been
I am what I will become.

I am all the words that killed me within
I am the pounds I gained,
I am the weight I lost.
I am all the surgeries I had
I am the scars on my body.

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