I didn’t fight for you.
I didn’t love you how a woman should love a man.
But I didn’t know how to…
I was scared to need you, and pulled away when you needed me.
I held my pride, like I should have held you.
I withdrew, being alone was all I knew.
I was isolated inside my own shell, you brought me out to the world.
I knew how to be there when times went sour,
I was by your side when everything was sweet,
but I didn’t know how to love you, and let you love me.
You were willing to wait for me, but I didn’t feel deserving.
You said all the right things, maybe they were all true..
but I couldn’t find it in me to believe in you.
So I pushed you away, and you walked away.
That was then,
And you still haunt me now.
I see you in my dreams but it’s a nightmare knowing you can’t be here.
I have carried you everywhere I go,
all the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve is enough to make me explode.
when I let my mind wander, it makes me wonder about you.
I even pretend to be with you all over again.
This time, I would even let you hold my hand.
I never allowed you too, and you were never able to understand.
Maybe I should have opened up to you,
You always said I was cold, I always told you there is so much you don’t know.
If only I knew being with you, meant I didn’t have to be so strong.
Sometimes I can hear your voice, most days I swear you are right by me.
My imagination can get the best of me, I keep telling myself to let it be.
I am still waiting for time to heal.
You painted me a picture, but I couldn’t frame it.
You tried to make my life full, but I was too empty.
You tried to talk to me, but I muted you.
I couldn’t frame the picture because I never saw me in it.
I was empty, and I knew it wasn’t going to be a man to make me full.
I gave you my silence because you couldn’t get through to me.
I had walls up, but you didn’t try to break them.
You ran, and I hid.
I ran, and you hid.
I’ll never find someone like you, I am not sure I even want too.
I know all too well that you have someone new.
I bet she loves you like you wanted me too.
I didn’t know how to love, and you didn’t show me.
It felt right but it was wrong.
We knew it all along.
I was terrified of love, and you found out the hard way,
I am not the girl that you can learn to love.
You’ll always believe that I didn’t fight for you,
but I wish I can tell you that you never fought for me too.
And if you had, you and her…could have been me and you.
— Here is a recent poem of mine I did!! I hope you like it!!! To see more check out my tumblr for my published works – http://www.rowanbayloun.tumblr.com