I remember looking at my dad and wanting to understand him after 10 years of not seeing him. I was numb, for the first time I had nothing to feel but a part of me didn’t want to just write the guy off. I was lost, confused and bitter and he was clueless and oblivious that his absence has effected me in my many ways . He was overwhelmed by life, I will never forget how big his heart is. But my parents were never happy together, they didn’t belong to each other but that was their journey that lead to my sister and me. My mother basically did all the work, she has been everything to us and then they finally got divorced and I didn’t see him for a long time. I had 11 surgeries and I always dreamed he would come like superman and some how that would take my pain away but he never showed up. He was supposed to be my hero but all my life he was a no show. He didn’t try to help the family financially or spiritually, he wasn’t there physically or emotionally and I am living with the effects of the chaos.