Thought of the day

I started working when I was 14 years old at a huge department store in my neighborhood. I worked there for a few months, then I went on to working at a dentist office, to working at Carvel ice-cream store, back to working at another dentist office. Then I worked at an insurance office for 5 years working a 9-5 and going to school all night. I took trains, buses and cabs to get to school and back home to do it all over again. I remember walking home towards midnight after long days of work all day and school all night telling myself “it will all be worth it” one day. I am not built to give up. When I struggled with math requirement courses in school I kept at it, while so many people around me were giving up.  All I have known for 10 years is school and work, work and school. I was living with my mom, I had no bills to pay and I was making good money that I should’ve been saving. I blew it all away on paying a tab every time I would go out with friends. I even wish I would’ve just spent it on shopping. Even booking expensive tickets to California to visit family and being very generous to everyone around me. I was very careless with money. On top of that all, I have had 12 surgeries, dealt with numerous doctor appointments and even emergency hospital procedures.

At 22 I moved to another state on my own. I started working retail – huge difference from doing insurance, weekends off working an office job to doing retail standing on your feet for hours and hours and dealing with so many different personalities and no more weekends off to relax. Still in school, I’ve been juggling paying rent, bills, school and working. It isn’t easy. I now don’t even have the option to save money because I work hard just to make ends meet. I used to have just one day off a week and it was never relaxing because I didn’t know how to sit still because my life had become non stop. I go to school all day and I work the rest of the hours I am not in a classroom, with no days off at all. Now, I am in school and just starting working a second job. Still no days off, juggling to two jobs and focusing on school all the time. I’ve learned how to save better, still I work hard to still be poor! Lol! Whatever I make goes to bills, car expenses and rent. I barely even eat, I don’t have time to shop for groceries nor do I have the time to make something and sit down and have a proper meal. I have no social life at all. Still I have the attitude of it will all be worth it one day. I truly believe that everything you do will come back to you. You work hard, it will pay off in the end. That’s it. I’ve learned the value of hard work by working hard and I’ve learned the value of a dollar by working for it. I’ve been blessed enough to travel to beautiful islands in between working and going to school with my mother. Who is by far the strongest hardest working woman I know. My mother taught me to be strong and independent and not to rely on anyone to be there for you. She did it with two daughters. One who was dealing with an illness and the other who was fighting her demons. It hasn’t been easy but nothing in life comes without a price. For every struggle comes a blessing. My goal is finish school, start a career and make something for my life. I want to be a strong independent woman who has worked her way through everything. I am not afraid of being on my own. I don’t want to work this hard in my prime to just end up being a mother and a wife. I want more to life. My goals aren’t to be married with children and play house. I would like to be a working mother and wife but I don’t know if that’s going to be my destiny and I am learning to be fine with that. As for now, I am only 24 years old. I stopped planning my life because we all know how life doesn’t happen according to plan. I am not where I ever thought I would but I am starting to believe I am where I should be. I want to continue working hard till I can’t work anymore. I know there is something great in store for me, something too big for me to understand. I just know it. I know all my struggles will be replaced with success and blessings. I am willing to do whatever I can, whatever it takes to get to where I am meant to be. I know how to handle everything, I don’t break. Every now and then it all takes a toll and my anxiety disorder kicks in with a vengeance – everyone who gets anxiety attacks know what I am taking about!.  I may be missing out on life and fun for my age but I have also traveled to so many beautiful places that no one my age has been to. We are all different with our own paths.

I don’t know whats in store for me. My biggest fear is the unknown and how the future will play out. All I can do is live in the moment, work my ass off and finish school. Timing is everything and my time will come. So for you reading this, don’t ever give up. Work while you go to school, juggling both will teach you motivation and the struggle will only make you stronger. Try to save money as much as you can, especially if you still live at home. Don’t wish it could all be easier, wish to be better.
Everything will work out in the end, if it doesn’t then it’s not the end.

 

 

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