My Poem: Lonely Girl

Lonely Girl.

Once a time there was a girl,
who dreamed of a fairytale.
She wasn’t prepared for what life would entail.

This girl liked but never loved.
She was wanted, but never claimed.
These boys were coming on too strong,
she knew it was all wrong.
She had curves, never allowed anyone to bend them.
She wasn’t alone, but she was lonely.

She was the popular girl, still she never fit in.
They were partying, she was having nurses tend to her at home.
Anywhere else, she wanted to roam.
Dealing with an illness that stole her innocence.
She was also dealing with a heart-break, daddy gone who does her beat for?
You see this girl, wanted so badly to be like the other girls.
She resented her scars and fate.
This girl was quiet but inside of her there was a beast.
She was helping her sister fight her demons, not realizing she was burying her own.
She worried for her mother, always fearing she won’t want to come home.
You see this girl was supposed to be just a young girl,
but she had to take her of her own girls – her mother and sister.
She had to be their lifter.
They needed her, she needed someone to.
There was no place for her, she was her sister’s shadow.
Always feeling so hallow.
They were breaking a part, as she was falling a part trying to save them
– they were all she had, they were all she knew.
What else was she to do?
Why couldn’t love be easy? Life could never be breezy for those three.
She wanted to fall in the arms of someone, no one there to save her.
So badly wanting a new beginning, praying nightly, knew she had a battle to fight endlessly.
Father nowhere near, all the tears in her eyes how could she ever see clear.
She wasn’t alone in the mist of chaos, but still she was lonely.

She wanted love, a love big enough where she didn’t have to love herself.
She tried to be anyone else, other than who she was.
She wanted to be everything, feeling like nothing.
She so badly wanted to belong, always wishing she was anywhere else.
She was lost, trying to be found.
She was trying to swim through waves, as she drowned.

She started paying attention to the attentions the boys were trying to pay.
They were approaching and she stopped trying to stop them.
She wanted love, but didn’t know how to have it.
She can give it, but can’t take it.
They wanted her but she didn’t need them.
They wanted her company, but still she was lonely.

She talked a good game, but she was all bark and no biting.
The conversations were so exciting.
They kept calling, she kept dodging them.
They kept begging, she kept silencing them.
And when she would call, they wouldn’t pick up the phone.
As she was playing the game, she was being played.
She was shy, never knew the right words to say.
She wondered why, these boys wanted her anyway.
She was so hard to get, that you won’t need to bet.
She had walls built up, no one even tried to break it.
She knew they didn’t mean what they were saying, they just wanted her naked.
Searching for something more, yet unwilling to break down those guarded walls,
still she was lonely with her pride keeping her company,
no way was anyone going to be her downfall.

She was smart, oh was she smart.
Yet, she wasn’t special enough to be fought for.
If only they knew, if only they knew.
She was different, nothing like the other girls.
Her curls fell on her shoulders, beauty wasn’t in the eye of her beholder,
can nobody hold her.
Looking to grown with those curves, so reserved.
She was flawed, but there was something about her.
You couldn’t figure her out, she was a puzzle with so many missing pieces.
She always had a smile walking through the hallways, as she would pray for a brighter day.
If only they know it wasn’t the same when she was walking through the hospital hallways.
In school she was someone like everyone else,
at home she was fighting so many battles she was going against.
She was brave, she was strong..she knew it even when no one was telling her so.
Everyone should know, yet everyone in her life goes.
She pushes people away, she was lonely…she didn’t want to be lonely.

She kissed Luis and fell for his charm.
He was shady, he was standing above all the girls that were falling for his ways.
Oh, how he swayed.
She always knew Mitchell would harm her, yet she wanted to disarm him.
Always cursing her, with his hurtful words he was killing her softly.
He slapped her, it hurt her badly. He wasn’t the knight in charming armor,
he wasn’t even a charmer.
He was dark, with a vicious bark.
She was immune it, to his amusement.
Mitchell was everything her, Ro was nothing to him.
He crushed her heart, oh how he was heartless.
As he tried to kick her out of the car in the highway, it was then she knew no way, no how.
No way, no more.
Don’t I deserve more than this? She wondered.
So much going on, she had to ponder.
She was always sorry, filled with fears and worry.
Still, she fought for his affection, it was obvious he wanted her…
He was still giving her the attention.
Why else would she be the one he spent time tearing apart?
Always wishing for a fresh start.
She was loyal, she took the abuse but she was not of good use.
Nothing she could ever say or do would be good enough, his orders she obeyed.
Why did it always have to be his way?
He wanted it, she wasn’t thinking about it.
How naive of her to think he wanted her, he just wanted to control all of her.
He wasn’t giving up, she knew better than to feel touched.
Who knew something so sacred could be something she was scared of.
It was so powerful to a man, but hold on to her power.
Through it all, her morals were too strong to break.
She valued her beliefs, too bad no one could see her worth.

Steven was so sweet, boy was he sweet.
He played baseball, as cute as can be.
Never tried to go to second or third base with her,
She had nothing left to say,
he was respectful, so delightful…was he the one who got away?
She didn’t know how to appreciate him, so he found another who will.
Feeling undeserving, still.
He deserved it, and so did she.
She respected her body, but allowed them to disrespect her constantly.
She just kept trying to find reasons why she did, making up excuses.
So she hid, in her room away from everyone else, cutting looses.
She became broken, isolated not wanting to be around anyone else.
What happened to the popular girl? Where went her confidence?
Her feelings, she was so honest.
What a cold world it was or was it because she allowed herself to be frozen?
Needing to be awoken.
So many questions, she had no answers too.
And all the boys ended up with someone else.
There she was, left with a table for one.
There is that lonely girl, alone again.

Was always told you aren’t wild, stay as you are.
A girl like you will get far.
when they would stop calling she would see how quickly they fell for the next girl,
Oh what a whirl.
what was it about these other girls, that she lacked?
Oh, it was that..yeah she was never giving up that.
That boy Nesta, was obsessed with her but she paid him no mind,
he was a good guy writing her letters and beeping her all the time.
She thought it was lame he didn’t have a cell phone,
not realizing how good of a man he was taking care of his ailing mother.
Didn’t like feeling so smothered.
Too young to understand, the goodness of others just too busy trying to
prove how good she was to others.
He was a boxer, as she was trying to get back up after every time life knocked her down.
That man Christopher, followed her everywhere she went.
That blew her mind, she always felt like there was nothing that serious about her
to make these boys run wild over her.
She never ran towards the ones who were chasing after her,
she loved to chase, hoping someone would catch her.
All the troubles in her life, all the pain in her body…t
here was so much on her mind, there was too much to deal with
She was never able to heal.
When daddy left, and mommy had to be the king to her two soldiers,
One woman carried it all on her shoulders, our beholder.
she knew how quick it is you can end up with nothing.
There was no bluffing, far away she was running.
There she goes again, the lonely girl walking with her head held down.

Here comes Joseph, like mother nature.
He was sunshine, he was thunder.
The only one who made her feel good.
The one who broke her heart.
Their story finished before it could start.
He was too caught up in the hood.
She was known as the good girl, girls spread rumors.
She couldn’t find the humor in the lies, so she waved it all goodbye.
All these girls were getting pregnant, going from guy to guy.
Perfect girl, couldn’t they see it behind her imperfections?
She was never weak, just trying hard to seek something real.
She was what they wanted to come to life, as she would try to draw them.
But there was the good girl caught up with the baddest of them all.
No one knew of them, they snuck their love and hid as they walked,
far enough so no one saw.
They talked about the future, for once it felt real.
Always wondering is this for real? Could this really be the one for me?
He was a good distraction, for a beautiful disaster.
He would call in the early mornings, and she would begin to-day dream throughout the day.
He would call every night, making her dream of him all through the night.
He was offering her the world, and she showed him she had her own.
Oh that Joseph, really did a number on her.
He was collecting numbers behind her back, always with excuses.
She knew she shouldn’t trust them, still wanted to believe him.
Always searching for love, big enough so she won’t have to love herself.
Yet, always making the right decisions, cut too deep through all her incisions,
too guarded to ever let anything bring her down.
She didn’t live in a man’s world, she knew she had to learn how to manage on her own.
Sometimes, it isn’t worth trying to have it all.
Here’s that lonely girl again, alone again trying to find where she belongs.

One day, Joseph stopped calling.
Her nights became restless,
her days became endless.
What happened now?
She knew it couldn’t be real, questioned why she allowed herself to feel.
You see Joseph moved on, and she stopped existing to him.
He disappeared, he took his world with him and she wasn’t welcome no more.
For what reasons, she’ll never know.
He rekindled a past love of his, already moved on..
while she was left a mess, trying to grasp it all.
What a hard fall, she was a wrecking ball.
How could it be first love with no love shared? How unfair.
Especially since the girl was the only one he ever loved.
It was obvious, she chose to be oblivious.
She knew it was first love, because she never felt such hurt before
he cut the deepest, she wanted this to be the sweetest.
Not even Mitchell’s abuse hurt like this/
She wonders why and how that is.
It was a hard pill to swallow, so many pits but she found her peak.
After him, there was no more.
No more love worth fighting for, no more being weak.
She wanted to change Nabil, make him a better man.
Behind every good man, there’s a good woman.
Isn’t that how it goes?
This girl never hurt anyone, yet everyone has hurt her.
Why is that so?
Is she the problem? She’ll learn how to solve it.
But he became a man she always wanted to someone else.
Like her sister, he began to resent her for trying to change them.
She needed to realize she had to make changes of her own,
How can she try to nurture someone to be the best they can be,
when all she see’s is the worst of herself.
Lonely girl, if you are looking for love you ought to look in the mirror.

Years later, Joseph came back too apologize.
They tried to make the sparks fly again,
remembering the hurt he caused, wouldn’t allow her to even try.
Joseph gave her closure she always wanted from him, the tears were all dried.
In the end, their story ended how it should have been.
He wasn’t for her, she was too good for him.
Mitchell, came back. This time she saw how he was broken.
Again, she tried to save him,
still she was drowning trying to make him stop frowning.
This time he had a family of his own, he was trying to escape from.
What has he become? Running to her, wasn’t fair.
Allowing him back, don’t you dare.
Now you see what good she is for?
What cruel world it was, look at where he is and where she has been.
He had no remorse for his actions,
With all his fatal attractions.
it was then she knew he was the one of no good use.
Not her, not she.
You see, this time she was the one who had the last say.
Still, she thinks about him to this day.
Wondering where he is and if he has changed?
Does an abuser ever really change his ways?
She always felt they were both broken,
he was too in control of his feelings and she had no control of hers.
Hey! Look at the lonely girl, standing up on her own, all alone.

You see this girl,
was trying, too hard.
was crying, too much.
This girl was trying to find love in the wrong places,
If it felt wrong, she fought for it.
If it felt right, she run away from it.
Indeed she was flawed, but perfect in many ways.
She never truly gave her heart away,
it was always all pretend, anyway.
Most importantly she kept her virginity.
She stands tall protecting herself, with so much dignity.
See, I told you this girl was different.
She is working on loving herself, and not trying to better anyone else.
However you must know, she doesn’t care for a man to be her in life,
sure, she wants love like everyone else but at what price?
This girl hasn’t kissed a boy in years,
that girl is still alone but no longer feels lonely.
There is so much more to life than falling in and out of love.
Free to fly, like a dove.
Hey lonely girl, you aren’t alone with your thoughts.

Some things aren’t meant to be.
She doesn’t chase love, believing in if it’s meant to be it will be,
it will find me.
She still doesn’t party and gets drunk in the club.
She studies and works hard enough to enjoy a tropical drink under a hut.
This girl has never gone from guy to guy,
no rebounds or relationship troubles.
Still living in a bubble.
She’s still the good girl, no longer trying to prove it.
These boys that came in her life thought her about life.
Maybe one day, she’ll take all the lessons she learned
if she ever becomes a wife.
Love doesn’t hurt, can’t help anyone dig his dirt.
This girl is dark but bright.
That girl is full of love, with a big heart.
Learning to accept and appreciate it,
knowing it first has to come from within.
Lonely girl, everyone thinks your too lonely because you are always alone.

Once upon a time, a woman used to dream of a fairytale as a little girl.
Never realizing the twists and turns, how much she will crash and burn.
the tails and tribulations life will take you on.
Life didn’t happen how she planned,
she didn’t become who she always thought she would be.
She came from a broken family, but she was too strong to ever break.
She now laughs thinking she’ll be a forty-year old virgin
but still has hopes that one day her magical wedding day will come,
and she’ll stay up all night with the man who she will call home.
She’ll find where she belongs.
The man who will help her pick up the missing pieces.
She’ll finally find peace.
Hey lonely girl, have you found where you belong?

Well, her story isn’t over…the journey is long.
So many chapters she’s already filled out,
I am strong, she shouts.
twenty-fours young…there’s still so much more, she’s nothing like before.
Maybe she’ll run an empire and make her dreams come true,
or become a mother of two,
either way she’ll be content…she’s never bent, what a beautiful scent.
That girl, this girl, she is…me.
Lonely girl is perfectly fine being lonely and alone.
No one defines me, I find joy in my own company.

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