On Facebook I joined a support group called Living With Psoriasis and its helped me a lot by relating to others, realizing I am not a lone in this battle and also was very informative and I learned more about the disease. I came across this article that literally had me a loss for words because its exactly how I feel. I feel as though the author read my mind and beat me to writing this. She made a lot of great points and I honestly don’t think I could ever accept that I have psoriasis. It’s not just something I can ever understand and learn to be okay with. My highlight was “until she accepts that her body might never heal, she will never be able to bring true healing into her life”
Via: The Daily Love
CAN I REALLY ACCEPT THAT I HAVE PSORIASIS?
My initial answer is: Absolutely not. No way in hell am I going to accept that my body is affected in this way, that I could be itchy, scaly and have flaky skin for the rest of my life. NO, NO, NO.
But then, I remember that I am a child of The Uni-verse and a believer in all things divine and holy…..I think. I know that if a dear friend of mine were to come to me with this condition, clenching her hands tighter than tight in frustration, I would be concerned. I would look her in the eyes, let her know that she is loved and tell her that until she accepts that her body might never heal, she will never be able to bring true healing into her life. But when I think of this in relation to my OWN body, it is so hard to wrap my head around. Aren’t I a powerful manifestor? So, I got this! I can will the scales off my body and the Psoriatic Arthritis to jump out of my bones. Why not? And then the cycle of tension, anger and frustration begins all over again.
After a recent chat with my dear friend, Aleyda, I began to realize that the inability to accept my condition is the exact thing that is keeping me sick. It is the exact energy and toxicity that is flooding my cells with resentment and often fierce self-hatred. I can no longer deny that being so frustrated that my body won’t figure it out, get its act together and just cut it out already is having a strong impact on my health.
Even as I write this, I have a moment of feeling empowered to finally embrace my condition and love it for all it has taught me and then moments later I am pissed and feel completely justified in that feeling. I mean, why in the world would I want to be OK with looking different than anyone that I know, not being able to wear the clothes I want and feeling like I have chicken pox on a daily basis? Don’t get me wrong, I totally get that the lessons I’ve learned through this condition have been life-changing, soul affirming and simply magnificent. I would not be the person you see smiling in all of my pictures if I hadn’t been put to the test with my physicality in so many ways and been challenged to choose love over fear. But I am done pretending for each of you that this is easy, that this choice doesn’t come up for me on a daily basis and that I don’t struggle with painful parts of life just like all of you. We all battle our inner demons, ego and second guess even our most treasured belief systems. It’s OK to not have the answers all the time and in telling you that I don’t always have the answers, I hope that it empowers you to embrace wherever you are in your journey.
Let’s do this together, shall we? Where are you feeling chronic emotional pain in your life? That one area where you would just give anything if you could change it, make it different, transform it or simply have it disappear? Is it around finding your romantic partner? Do you feel that your lack of money leaves you feeling stuck and depleted, which has you questioning your every move? Or are you, too, dealing with your body and the frustration you feel around it not showing up the way you want it to?
Clearly, I totally get it and no matter what area of life you are dealing with I am sure I have experienced a version of what you are going through. So don’t think you have to figure this out on your own, OK? In the comments below, I want you to get clear and real about what is creating a toxic environment in your life and at least one step you can take towards accepting your reality. This will start the healing process for you, no matter how annoying or counter-intuitive it seems, trust me, it works.
- Disease Description: All About Psoriasis (menshealth.answers.com)