On her father
He reached out to me saying he wanted to see me, but it’s unfortunate he did it so publicly. I want to meet him, and soon, I really do. I forgave him a long time ago. I haven’t seen my dad for almost 20 years. It’s nothing I want a pity party for. He left me and my mum, and I was angry. I wanted to be a daddy’s girl so bad. God damn The Cosby Show because that made me think “Why aren’t my family like that?” But this is not a perfect world.
I totally relate that. I have forgiven my father, it took me a while to but I am just at a point in my life where I don’t want to hold on to any hurt, resentment or grudges. I truly want better for myself and I want to be the best person I can be. I want to be at peace with my past so I can be okay for my future. I will always have insecurities, relationship “issues” and fears and I will always feel that void in my life. I relate to when she said she would watch these shows and wonder why her family wasn’t like that, I would watch shows like 7th Heaven, would go to school and see the kids with their parents and hear about their family dinners and stories and I always wondered why I didn’t have that. I would would wish I did and a lot of times it made me sad and I would feel worse because I felt as though something was wrong with me and the family I had, that it wasn’t supposed to be just me, my sister and mother. It defiantly is not a perfect world and this is why it takes a while for kids going through divorce, loss of a parent to accept it. You learn so much about your parents, yourself and about situations that has occurred when you get older. Looking back now I see things so clearly. When things happen at the moment everything seems so foggy, it takes time for your to understand and accept life for what it is. When I was younger I wanted to be a daddy’s girl SO bad and I wanted a family portrait but now that I am older, I realize that it’s okay that I wasn’t, I had my mother and I am grateful for that and I can only hope that one day I will have my own family portrait that I always dreamed of. I had to learn the hard way that if I am not at peace with my destiny than I will never be happy with whatever life may throw at me. I had to accept things I couldn’t change, accept my life for how/where it is and stop planning it like I believe it should be, I can save that for my dreams. I had to let go, and let God in.