Interview: Emily Busatmante (Emily B)

“My doctor told me there’s no cure for the Emily’s.”

Pachanaga by Fabolous

This interview is from bitchielife.com

Emily Bustamante, like many celebrity girlfriends and wives who end up on reality television, gets judged a lot more than the average person. However, after sitting down and talking with her, one can quickly assess there is more to her story than what people assume. On Vh1’s reality series Love & Hip-Hop, Emily is known as rapper Fabolous’ girlfriend, even though it comes across as if she is the only one claiming the relationship.

In reality, Emily B. is a woman who is human, flawed and still learning from past mistakes. The 30-year-old wardrobe stylist began her career in fashion design in Virginia where, after college, she began styling local artists at events. Word spread quickly about her great work and she began acquiring more contacts in the music industry. She met Fabolous at an event in 2002 and eventually their relationship blossomed into a love affair.

After seeing each other off and on for 3 years, Fab asked Emily and her daughter to move in with him, making the rest history. Now, viewers catch her every Monday night living out the drama of her personal life, such as her desire for Fab to get more serious about his commitment to their relationship and striving to keep her family together.

Bitchie Life caught up with the mother of two and chatted about why she’s apprehensive about doing a season two of Love & Hip-Hop, her blossoming career, where her relationship is now, what she hopes people learn from her situation, and her current relationships with the other women on the show.

You were styling before even meeting Fab. How did you get your start, and who are some of your clients?

I went to school for fashion design, but styling and being a designer comes hand-in-hand, so being a stylist came natural. It was something I just started doing when I was very young. I started when I was about 19-years-old. I was working with a local entertainer in Virginia who was signed to Pharrell and he was my first client. I branched off when I came to New York and I started working with models and doing test shoots with photographers. I wasn’t really doing so much celebrity styling, it was just basic test shoots and I built my portfolio that way. I was dating Fab at the time and he had a big shoot coming up for his album, From Nothing to Something. This was 2006, and I approached him and said, “This is what I do, I know it’s not on as large a scale of what you’re used to but give me the job, I feel that I can do it,” and he said “If you can do this shoot and you can prove yourself to me I’ll give u the job.” I did the shoot and the album packaging came out incredible. I think it’s one of his best album [packages] to date. That was 2006 and after that I branched out and started working with more. Def Jam recognized me, and they gave me more jobs with other artists. I’ve been doing it ever since and now I’m working with Red Café, Teairra Mari, Terrence J from 106 and Park and of course, Fab still. I’m still just working.

How does your role on Love & Hip-Hop affect your business?

In the beginning, the reason I took on the show is because I wanted to be recognized for my work. [But] I feel like didn’t get credit because people were like, “You’re just a stylist because you’re Fab’s girlfriend,” or “You’re his baby mother,” as some people want to say. The truth is he could have any stylist he wants, but the reason I had the job is because I was good at it and I just wanted to prove myself. I taped more footage of me working, but of course, a reality show is about drama so that doesn’t make the edits. All you see on the show isyou see one of my clients Darrelle Revis but you really don’t get to see Emily B in work mode and that’s kind of upsetting to me because that’s the only reason why I took on the show, so, they got me [laughs]. I see Olivia, she’s in hip-hop, and we got Somaya, she’s trying to work in hip-hop, and of course my connection was through Fab, [but] they also told me they wanted to show my career because I work in the hip-hop industry, so that was a plus for me. As we started taping, they saw that I had a little bit of drama in my personal life and of course they’re gonna expose that, so it is what it is.

You did seem kind of exploited, like you just put all your drama out there.

Yeah, I definitely felt there were so many other things that were taped and they only focused on the negative. So, I feel a little saddened by that, but what you saw was all real. It was the truth and I tried to keep it as real as possible, and it was my reality so I can’t really be mad.

With regard to last week’s episode, when you did the photoshoot with your family, you tweeted that it takes a lot to put everything out there like you did and that if someone can learn from your situation then your job is done. What would you like for people to learn from your situation?

The honest truth is, I’m just like anybody else. I hurt just like the next girl and just because I have fancy shoes and I drive a fancy car, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have problems. I’m human and I have feelings and no one should go through what I went through, and as I went on with taping, I opened up more because I was like, ‘You know what, this is a lesson I’m going through.’ I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through this and if I could tell my story, it could affect someone else. If they can learn from my mistakes then I’m ok with telling the story, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed because it’s something that I’m going through, and the only way for me to release it is to talk about it.

Seeing you in action was hard to watch. It was written all over your face that you were disappointed that Fab didn’t come. What was the conversation with him after that particular photoshoot?

The honest truth is, it wasn’t that he stood me up. I knew he wasn’t coming. Of course, I told him that I had the shoot and that the video cameras were gonna be there, but I knew from the jump that he wasn’t gonna be there so it wasn’t that I was waiting for him to show up and he just didn’t come. I don’t know if that’s how it came across, but he would never stand me up. He wouldn’t do that. And I do want to clarify that he’s a great father. Sometimes I think people took from that, that he was a bad father but he’s not. He’s a great father and he loves his son and there’s nothing that he wouldn’t do for him, but it was just one of those things where he was like, “That’s your thing, I have my thing. I’m not on reality TV. I don’t need a reality show.” He was like, “I’m not going on reality TV. I’m a rapper, I’ve been doing this for 12 years. I’m in the peak of my career and I’m not into the TV drama,” but he was right. In the beginning I was like you don’t know what you’re talking about, there’s not gonna be any drama. And he was totally right. He was like, “I’m telling you, Emily.” Every day I would come home and tell him about what happened and he was like, “I told you so. I told you this was gonna happen.”

There were some moments where it seemed like the producers set you up, like when they brought Somaya in, in the beginning but didn’t tell you.

Yeah, the Somaya thing, they set me up. Somaya comes across as a sweet girl and every time she talked to me it was all love. She was like, “Women empowerment, I have respect for you, I really like you, Emily,” and to be honest I met her and Olivia at the same time. So, when you’re doing a reality show you don’t really know who you can trust. If you’re on a show with these girls that you don’t really know and you just met, it’s kind of like I was just put in the middle of a situation where I didn’t know who I could trust.

So with you and Chrissy…

Me and Chrissy clicked as soon as we met. It was one of those things where I knew I could relate to her and I could confide in her and I could trust her, but we had prior to taping we had a relationship. We were talking, we went out, we hung out all before we started taping the show and with Olivia, it was one of those things where it was like we were all thrown in and we had to see how that all plays out to see how we get along with each other. But by the end of this I realized that you can’t be friends with everybody. Everybody is not your friend and sometimes you just gotta stay out of people’s business, because at the end of the day, being a peacemaker just made me look messy. I’m saying we have to find a way to connect you four girls, and trying to get them together, but it blew up in my face so lesson learned. I will not be setting up anymore Somaya meetings with anybody! She got me [laughs]. I was like, ‘Am I getting punked, like really? That’s how ya’ll gonna do me, Vh1?’ They knew what they were doing, and she knew what she was doing, too, but a lesson learned.

I’ve interviewed other reality TV people and it seems that in general, people have strong reactions to them, whether good or bad. So, how did that affect your relationships with people in the industry?

I think anybody who knew me personally kind of knew already. The problem that I’m having is that people were like, “Oh my gosh, she’s delusional, she’s making up this relationship.” They’re like, “Where is he, you’re making this story up,” and I’m just like, ‘Do you honestly believe that Vh1 would approach me with a reality show if I’m just making this stuff up?’ I was telling the truth. It wasn’t nothing to be proud of. I wasn’t bragging. It was kind of sad what I was telling the world, but everybody that knew me knows my story and they know me. The people that matter know the truth anyway. It’s the people that don’t matter that don’t believe me, so it’s like oh well. It is what it is.

What is your current relationship with Fab?

You gotta watch the show [laughs]. I don’t know if it’s gonna be a second season, I can’t let the cat out the bag but I’ma just say that I learned a lot from that show and from watching myself on that show. I never ever in life want to be in that place again. And I was vulnerable and I wanted so hard for my family—people get irritated when I say that—to work, but it’s hard when you love someone. Love is powerful. People want to say that I was weak, but for me to have to do that and say all those things on TV, it just made me strong so, I’m a stronger person today because of it, and I’m just not in the same place. And that’s all I’ll say. Never again.

You talked about being afraid of walking away from your life with Fab. Was it fear of going back to a normal lifestyle or having less money and luxuries?

No, because I work. I have a job, and not only that, I have a child by this man so I won’t be—people are like, “She doesn’t want to leave him because of the money,” but I’m good regardless because he’s gonna have to support his son, so it wasn’t ever about money. It was about the fact that I’m a mother with two children and I felt like I failed in my first relationship with my daughter’s father, and I just didn’t want to do that again to my son because I know how it affected her, so that was the main reason, not wanting to fail. I was with Fab since I was 21-years-old. I didn’t know any better when I was 21, when I was a young girl. I didn’t know how to make a relationship work, but me now at 30-years-old, I’m like, I’ve invested the last 9 years of my life into this. This is not something that I just got pregnant and had a baby. This is my life for the last 9 years, so it was just very hard to come to a decision of whether I should stay or whether I should go because I was just stuck. And I don’t recommend that to nobody. There was plenty of chances for me to—I knew it was wrong, but I was just trying to be that ride or die, that I’m down for you, I got your back, and I guess it backfired on me. That’s just not healthy because I was hurting and it shows all over my face. I’m crying in every episode and I’m like, ‘I never cried so much in my life.’

Your daughter is definitely old enough to understand what’s going on so what does she think about the show and what does she think about your relationship situation?

As far as my situation with Fab, she only sees John at home and like I said, he’s not the same person that everybody else in this world sees. He’s a good father, he’s a family man. People don’t realize that so she sees this man that she loves and he loves her back, and he treats her good and she doesn’t see that side of him so she hasn’t really been affected. So, for me to have done this show is like, I opened up this whole other thing that she didn’t’ really know about. She’s 13 and she’s growing up and I just hope that she can learn from my mistakes as well; don’t be like me, be better than me. She knows, we talk a lot and I usually don’t even allow her to watch reality TV, but she watched this one. It’s difficult for me to allow her to watch it but it’s my story and I just hope she learns from it. Like I said, I’m stronger today because of it and if I didn’t go through that I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now.

I know you and Mashonda are tight so what role did she play in your situation then and where you are now?

Mashonda is one of my best friends. When me and Mashonda got close, she was going through a divorce, and when we became friends she was still married. I saw Mashonda as this happy wife always on the red carpet with her husband and I looked up to that and I was like, ‘Wow, she has such a great husband and a beautiful family,’ and I just saw it crumble before my eyes, so it drew me closer to her because I couldn’t understand how that could happen. I was like, ‘How did this happen to you?,’ and I learned a lot from her situation and she’s always been there to talk to me when I was having issues. I was there for her during her hard time, so that’s basically the role she had on the show. If I could have anybody come in, of course it would be someone who has ‘been there done that,’ and her story was so compelling. She’s one of the characters on the show because her story was so powerful.

Going back to you being a family woman, there was an emotional scene on the show where Chrissy and Olivia were talking about their relationships with their fathers. What was your relationship like with your father?

Actually, if you go to vh1.com, my father is on the show. He’s on a bonus clip with me and he gives me advice [laughs]. It’s me my son and my dad and we go to the park and have a talk and he gives me a little bit of advice about my situation. My father is like my best friend. I can tell him anything and he’s so close to my son. He’s just there for me, I have a great relationship with my father and I also have a step-father that I’m close to and he’s actually my mentor. He’s a pastor. He and my mother have been married for over 20 years but I have a relationship with both of them.

Chrissy did something unique by proposing to Jim Jones, which got a lot of mixed reactions from people, but what were your thoughts about that and would you do that?

I don’t know. I’m more traditional, like, I laughed when she was like, “Ya’ll waiting on a fairy tail, y’all can keep waiting.” That is so true. Us women, we wait on the fairy tail we dream ofthis big weddingand I think she was like, “You know what, I’ma get what I want.” And she’s a strong person and she says what she feels and she’s like, piss or get off the pot. It’s either we get married or I move on and I think that was basically her. It was empowering. It was like, “What you gonna do?” And I respect it and it was so beautiful at the time and had everybody in tears. It was just a strong moment for her and I think it was beautiful. He really loves her, they’re a great couple.

Why is it so hard for rappers to admit that they’re family men?

You think all rappers are like that?

I’ve interviewed a lot of rappers, and in general I think a lot of them think they have to put out a certain persona, but when you really talk to them you see that they’re a lot smarter or positive than they let on.

They are so intelligent [laughs].

Yeah and they have a lot more positive things going on than people would think, so it’s like, why don’t they put out more about that?

My thing was, I been with Fab for so many years and from the beginning, before I had a child with him, I kinda played the background role. It was always this is his career and this is his persona and this is his image, and I respected it because at the end of the day that’s his brand and his brand is Fabulous this rapper – with all the swag and the money and the bling and the women. That’s his image, and it’s kinda like, where does a family fit into that image, are you rapping about that? Where does that come in? So, I kinda just left it alone. But the first time it affected me, I was listening to him on the radio, I said this before in another interview. I was driving and he was on Angie Martinez and Angie was like, “Are you single?” And he was like, “Like a dollar bill,” and my heart dropped. I was like, “Omg, this is real, this is John on the radio. I hear his voice, it wasn’t a rap song. It was actually him saying it out his mouth,” and I immediately texted him, and he was like don’t listen to the radio. That’s Fabulous trying to make it seem like this is his persona and why was I getting upset, and from there it was like, I accepted it so it continued on. And I didn’t realize it hurt so much until I had to talk about it on the show. I swept it under the rug and then when I actually had to talk about it, it was like, ‘Maybe this isn’t right.’ I think at the end of the day his real thing is he’s private. You don’t really hear a lot of them talking about their life. He’s like, ‘Listen this is my personal life. This is my home and my family I don’t want that in the public.’

Can you describe one of your fondest memories of you and Fab?

I don’t know if I want to put that out on an interview. I’m just trying to be in another space.

What’s one of the biggest misconceptions people have of you, and how do you plan to change that?

I guess the biggest misconception was from the show, from the character they created. It was that I was naïve and that I was weak, or I was dumb and didn’t know what was going on in my life; but the truth is, there’s nothing you could tell me that I didn’t already know. I knew what was going on in my life and I was fully aware of it but I was in denial. I knew what it was, and it may not have been right in my decision with how I reacted to it, but I knew what it was and a lot of people judge me for that. I just feel like it was my story. Everybody has a story, like I said. There are so many single mothers out here and each of them have a story and not everybody is on TV talking about it. I’m just one of them that’s out there and talks about it and was 100% honest and women ridiculed me for it. I’m like, ‘That’s the past.’ I promise there was so much editing and the power of editing is incredible.

So, it’s looking like no season two for you, huh?

I don’t know. With as many shows as they have on there now and all the fighting on them, I’m like, I am not gonna be fighting on TV. That’s not what I’m gonna be doing. I’m like, ‘What are they gonna have me doing next season, fighting Somaya?’ [Laughs]. I can’t. I don’t know, the only way I would do it is if they show my growth. Of course, I wanna show people my growth, what I’m doing today, and what I’ve learned from my experience of shooting season one…but at the same time, reality TV is catty, it’s drama and it’s scary because you don’t know what’s gonna happen because they’ll throw in that wild card. It’s hard. It’s in the works, though. They’re asking about it but I’m thinking hard about it. Hopefully if we do a season two you’ll get to see what I’m working on now. Like, right now I’m working on a clothing line entitled “Emily B” and it’s gonna be affordable chic, trendy and fun women’s wear. So that’s what I’m working on now, and I’m gonna continue to do styling, so I hope they focus on that side of Emily B. and not the crybaby side [laughs].

Do you have any plans for a book?

No. I don’t need a tell-all. I just told it all. I spilled all my guts on TV [laughs]. If I did do a book, it would be something fun about fashion or something like that. It wouldn’t be a biography or a tell-all. That’s not my lane and that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’ve done enough.

– I thought the show Love & Hip Hop was going to be different. I thought it was going to be about  mature women and somewhat of a classy show and just about women in hip hop and their struggles with their relationships, something that many women can relate to, instead it was catty and at times had no purpose for air time. The show was half an hour and you wouldn’t get anything of it, it was so short and all you saw was women yelling at each other. …it was non sense. I spoke to Emily via Twitter and she said she agreed with me and that she was disappointed of the outcome and truly learned what reality tv is about and that she learned her lesson.I don’t think it made any of the girls look good and to be honest, I think it made them look worse. The editing wasn’t good and it was just same the thing that dragged for 8 episodes. Then it got worse when it was an entire episode of Somaya talking about “the hood”, “the gangster life” and all that street talk non sense. It was just horrible. Then Olivia, who is corny and very dull talks about being “gangsta”, I liked Chrissy but she looked stupid proposing to famous rapper on national television, I loved Mashona and I loved when she would come and talk about what she went through, real woman, real problems and I love that she was away from all the cattiness and you can see how she pulled through and as for Emily, I like her a lot and I feel for her but she also looked naive and as complicated as it may be it is also common sense…if you’re not happy in a relationship that has been going on for almost 9 years, no marriage, no ring and no one knows you as his girlfriend or even knows who the mother of his child is and he isn’t proud enough to have you by his side in public then why continue to complain and be sad about your life? Do something about it.

I also think there is more to their relationship then she puts out. She is only telling her side and what she is telling isn’t much. There are two sides to every relationship and we will never how his side. Which is how it is supposed to be. Their relationship is private and has been kept and should be kept private. No one knows what goes on inside their home and their relationship…frankly, no one should or have to know but how you can stay all private about it when you are on a reality show? He wants nothing to do with it, but he supported her going on the show and knew she was going to talk about it…so you open up a can of worms you should expect for it to be all over and everyone chasing after it……..did that even make sense?

Update:

Fans of Mashonda won’t be seeing her on any reality tv shows next season, as she vents her frustration with how “Love & Hip-Hop” turned out. In a new interview with Hip Hop Weekly Magazine, Mashonda said she agreed to do the show because she imagined it would be a platform of empowerment for sisters.   As she was going through a very public divorce and lifestyle change with ex-husband Swizz Beatz, Mashonda thought her struggles could inspire women like Emily B (Fabolous‘ baby momma) and other women in similar situations.  “I really honestly did do the show to help Emily and help women across the United States, to let them know that you’re not the only one that can go through something like this {divorce and heartbreak}.” And she knew about the possible backlash going into it.  “No matter what I say, it’s going to be judged at the hundredth power, people are just going to look at me and judge. People are going to say I’m too emotional, or I need to get over it, or I need to move on, I’m bitter. A lot of people were actually saying (I) was strong, (I) made it out classy, (I) did everything (I) could, but when you do a show, you have to know what’s coming next, a world full of judgment.” But when she saw the show’s final product…She was not happy. “I just don’t feel like at this point in my life, Love and Hip Hop represents who I am, it’s just a chapter that is over.  When I shot the show, I thought that it was going to be like more of a sisterhood, but when I saw a lot of the drama and the beef, I was a little surprised, I was like wow, okay, I didn’t know this was going to be apart of what this is.”

I completely agree with her. Like I said, I thought this show was going to be a sisterhood and a classy and empowering platform for women. But sadly….that’s the way most reality shows tend to be.  There are some good moments but most shows play up the drama and negative aspects of the characters’ lives and exploit them and use the negativity and drama for ratings.

UPDATE:

On the renioun Emily confirmed her relationship with the rapper is over. On the show Emily seemed to be a bit naive and a bit self-underestimating.  And his actions–like telling her she doesn’t need to ever be seen on red carpets with him, or she doesn’t need to be in clubs since that’s not what “mothers” do, and so forth–that she actually co-signed on were shocking.   It was painfully obvious to everyone else BUT Emily that Fab had no intentions of marrying her or having anything more. But it seems she smartened up and realized her worth, Emily who shares with Fab a baby boy named Johan, said at the taping that she and Fab are done.

“I’m not going to continue to recognize someone who doesn’t recognize me.  We’re not married. We have a relationship and a continuous bond that we’re gonna have with our son.”

Fabolous said in a recent interview. “It’s a situation where we try to supply the best life for our son. …even if relationship-wise we’re not compatible.”

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