Marriage isn’t for everybody…

“I wish I had known then that I was not the marrying kind. It would have saved me a lot of time, heartache and grief over the years. I made all the wrong choices when it came to love. I have been an idiot. But, now, it is like a gift to myself – seeing more clearly and making better decisions. One thing was unavoidable. My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love. I would have had a good role model and known what to look for. As it is, I had to find out about marriage from the men I’ve married. I have done it twice and I am not going to do it again. The traditional form of marriage is not for me.”

 – Halle Berry

I can applaud Halle Berry for at least trying out the “traditional form of marriage” before knocking it. It’s interesting to see the role that fathers (or lack thereof) have on women and their relationships as they get older.

Oprah Winfrey has also been vocal about her decision to have an “un-traditional” relationship with Stedman, her boyfriend of over 25 years.

“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”

– A women not having a father in her life effects her in so many ways. For me, I just have this idea in my head that if my father wasn’t there for me then what man will? When my parents were married it was never a happy home or a loving relationship.  As much as I missed having a father in my life, I didn’t miss him being home with my mother and as much as my mother was battling her demons and taking her anger out on my sister and me and there was many many bad days, I wouldn’t trade it. Everything happens for a reason and as I have gotten older I realize the reason why my he doesn’t have a role in my life. It wasn’t meant to be, just like their marriage and just like his role as my father.

I really do want to get married one day, I believe in the idea and sanctity of marriage but I am afraid of it. Afraid of everything that can happen or won’t happen. Maybe I have expectations of what it should be or maybe because I love being a lone too much that I won’t allow myself to open up and share my life with someone. Or maybe I’ll give too much of myself because I never had an unconditional love from a man that I’ll end up nothing. Who knows. Only time will tell.

I saw this quote and it is exactly what I feel!: “When I meet someone I like being with more than I like being alone, I’ll marry him”


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