Thought of the day

You begin to forget what it means to live. You forget things. You forget that you used to feel all right. You forget what it means to feel all right because you feel like shit all the time, and you can’t remember what it was like before…

In my heart, I feel as though people will never look at me for me. They’ll never understand me. I’m suppose to be what they want, expect me to be. They’ll watch me break, they’ll tell me to get up and move on, they can’t feel me, they don’t want to know me, just who they think they know, not till my heart stops beating till they’ll see that I was struggling internally. It makes me sad, but I learned the hard way to shut up and smile. I fear that I’ll always feel as if no matter what I do, it’ll never be good enough. It overwhelms me. I’ll never be good enough, no matter what I say or do. They’ll see the negative before the positive. It hurts me, but I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be what they want, expect. I never felt like I can be.