I just saw this interview with popular urban blogger Nicole Bitchie and actor Lance Gross, they are each giving their opinions about dating, sex, marriage and relationships. It’s insightful and interesting to see both views:
“Men are from Mars and Women are definitely from Venus. We think, live and breathe differently. We have different views and opinions on the exact same things and we love to battle it out for the nonexistent title of “Who’s Right?!”
FIRST DATE SEX
Necole Bitchie says: If you have sex on the first date, I don’t think it could lead to a healthy relationship. The relationship will revolve around sex.
Lance Gross says: It all depends on how it happens. It varies from person to person. If you conduct yourself like a jump-off, of course there will be problems down the line. I have had sex on the first date, in one case it lead to more than a sexual relationship and in one case it didn’t.
PUTTING TITLES ON RELATIONSHIPS
Necole Bitchie says: Sometimes putting titles on a relationship can be tricky. With titles come expectations. For example, my expectations of you as my man will be higher than if you were just my friend and my expectations of you as my husband are going to be higher than if you were just my boyfriend. If you aren’t ready to live up to those expectations that come with those titles then you are better off without them….or remaining “just friends”
Lance Gross says: My views have kind of changed. At first I was all about the titles. If I’m feeling you and we are exclusive to each other, then let’s do it. But now I’m on some shit where I’m like, we don’t really need the title. If we have an understanding and we both know what it is…
MEETING THE PARENTS
Necole Bitchie Says: If I haven’t met his parents and we have been dating for a long time, he’s not that serious about me
Lance Gross says: I don’t introduce a girl to my mom until I know for sure that she’s going to be around. I may introduce her to my dad but I’m not going to just introduce anyone to my mom or my sisters. The women in my family, you definitely have to build yourself up to that point because that’s not a small thing for a guy.
SHACKING UP BEFORE MARRIAGE
Necole Bitchie says: I don’t think I’d move in with a guy before the ring. It’s like “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Lance Gross: I’m not going to put a ring on your finger until I live with you. I have to know you inside and out. So it’s not going to work if you got that mindset…
Necole Bitchie says: Lebron James lives with his kids’ mother and his mind frame is “If she’s living with me, she’s my wife”.
Lance Gross: You can definitely get it twisted. If she’s cooking for you, cleaning up after you and doing your laundry, that’s a role of the wife. It’s the woman’s job to hold out on certain things and save something for the marriage. You can give little hints of it but you can’t do it all because a man will get comfortable. Don’t take on the role of a wife unless you are married. As a man, why take the vows if you already got it?
PUTTING A RING ON IT
Necole Bitchie says: Some men will put rings on their woman’s finger to keep them from nagging with no plans of really wife her up.
Lance Gross: If a woman is constantly pressuring a man and saying “let’s take this to the next level”, he is going to have that pressure and eventually give in. I put a ring on my girl’s finger because I was ready for it.
Necole Bitchie says: I read somewhere that Chilli said “no matter if you are wealthy or not, you should always get a pre-nup”. I agree with her. Like why should you be able to walk away with half of all I’ve worked so hard to earn and vice versa?
Lance Gross: In my relationship, we weren’t going to have a pre-nup. My views were if I’m marrying you, I’m marrying you forever. I don’t really believe in divorce. So why have that piece of paper that’s basically saying we might not make it. Us not making it was not a part of my plan, however now that I look back on it, without a doubt I would have a pre-nup.
INDEPENDENT WOMEN VS DEPENDENT WOMEN
Necole Bitchie says: Most men say they want to be in a relationship with an independent woman but really they would rather date a woman that would depend on them.
Lance Gross: I like an independent woman, but it’s a little bit of both. If you want to be a man in the situation, then you want to provide for your girl. You also want to see her get up and go to work and grind it out too because it’s kind of motivating to see that. Now if we have kids, and she wants to be a house wife and take care of the kids I’m not gonna knock it! I’m gonna support it because I feel that’s what a man is supposed to do.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION
Necole Bitchie says: When couples show Public Displays of Affection, it doesn’t bother me however, from my observation; African American couples seem a lot less affectionate in public than other races.
Lance Gross: You gotta get with a cancer, we’re very affectionate. [laughs] Eva used to say all the time that she wasn’t very affectionate, but I mean, I guess I pulled it out of her, she totally changed. She was more affectionate than me at a certain point. With dudes, (And I’ll probably get in trouble for this) they don’t wanna show PDA cause they still checking for other woman. When you are all about your girl then you shouldn’t really care about who’s watching you, or you messing up your chance with the next chick. That has a lot to do with it.
Damita Ro Says:
First Date Sex, I’m a virgin so I don’t know anything about sex and how important it is to do or not do it on the first date to see if it what it can or can’t lead to a relationship but how is a man going to respect you for having sex with him within the first few hours of meeting him? Sometimes that does lead to a relationship but like she said, it’s just going to revolve around sex. It doesn’t matter how a girl conducts herself, giving up your cookies easily will never make you look good. I don’t agree with having sex before marriage period. However, to each is own and I would say to wait, don’t rush into having sex no matter the sparks or chemistry you may feel. Get to know the person before going that far, sex is something special, it’s about being in love, connecting and being one with someone. Make sure your in love and feel in your heart that it’s the right thing for you at that moment and time and know that you’re giving something sacred away.
Putting Tittles on Relationships, If a man is serious about you, then make it official. Why play games? If you two have an understanding that this is fun and nothing will go further than occasional hooks up then your title is friends with benefits. You can’t be confused whether he’s your boyfriend or not and get upset if he is hooking up with other girls. You’re either together in a committed relationship, friends with benefits or just friends. There shouldn’t anything in between.
Hmm..Meeting the Parents. A cousin of mine has had long-term relationships after the next, he introduces his girlfriends to the family and we get super close to them and then they break up and he’s on to the next and we get close to that next one. It’s like a revolving door with him and his relationships! I’m still friends with each of his ex-girlfriends and current girlfriend. He commits for years, we say this one is the one, then they break up but at the end of the day, it’s his business and his happiness. So I don’t think you should introduce your girl/boyfriend unless you’re serious that this person is the one. But if you do to show that you’re serious about each other, make sure that they get close with your parents and family members. Guys, your mothers don’t need to shop and gossip with your girls. Ladies your dads don’t need to be watching sports with your man. Because not only you commit to a relationship your family does also. Besides, don’t ever have your family involved in your personal relationships.
Shacking up together before Marriage…I don’t agree with it. Just like Necole said, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” It gets to comfortable, he’s thinking why does he need to put a ring on your finger and spend money on a wedding when it feels like you are already married. You don’t need to be cooking and cleaning up after him daily if he isn’t your husband. What happens when you break up? It gets to messy, the money, the belongings and who gets what gets in the mix and it gets complicated. Besides, you need to miss someone, you can’t be with them every single day, that isn’t healthy. You need to keep it fresh as much as can you before you settle into marriage. Have a sleepover now and then, that’s cool but don’t play husband and wife without the ring and the white picket fence yet.
Putting a Ring on it, my opinion is if you guys have been together for 3 years and you still don’t have a ring then he isn’t going to marry you. I don’t understand how some people stay in a relationship for more than 3 years without being engaged, by that time you should know the person inside and out, granted you learn something new every day about a person but if you guys are committed to each other this long then take the next step forward. It shouldn’t take him longer than 3 years to know that you are the one. Also, don’t ever pressure your man to get married, it will either push them away or they’ll just do it because they think that’s what they have to do, he has to do it on his own, don’t you want him to want him to do it when he wants to and when he feels ready for it? He needs to question it on his own.
Pre-nups, at the end of the day what’s yours is yours. But when you’re married everything should be in half, whether you’re rich or not.I believe that you should share the same bank account, it avoids problems in the marriage. But if you work then you should be able to spend whatever it is you want, you’re working just as hard for the money, just like him. I don’t like when husbands give their wives allowances, a friend of mine is a housewife and gets a weekly allowance from her husband. Whether she works or not, you guys are partners in life. What happens when you get a divorce? It gets messy and the going back and forth in who gets what..no, just sign a pre-nup. Why should he/she get half of you what your worked hard for? Especially if she’s a housewife.
Independent VS Dependant, I’m extremely independent. I can’t ask my man for anything or count on him to get me things. I got my own. Why should I depend on you? You’re not my dad, to take me shopping and give me money. I’m going to pay for dinners sometimes, if we’re out shopping I’ll pay for my own and I’ll surprise you with gifts here and there because I can and want to. What’s yours is yours and whats mine is mine baby.
PDA’s, don’t try to kiss me every second when we’re out. I don’t need you to hold my hand everywhere we walk and we’re defiantly not going to be making out at restaurants or sitting down somewhere. Hold my hand once in a while, sometimes it’s nice to walk hand in hand and feel as if you’re man is protecting you and wants to let everyone know you’re his and that he is proud of your relationship. Kisses here and there is fine, but don’t be too much with it. No one needs to see that and we won’t be that lovey dovey annoying couple.