What once was sweet, turned sour.

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In a 2007 interview with Tyra Banks and GIANT magazine, Brown spoke about his family’s history with abuse. When he was 11, the R&B star-to-be told his mother that he would go to jail for killing his abusive stepfather. “He used to hit my mom… He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself.”

“I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I went to my mom told her that ‘I just want you to know that I love you and that I will always protect you’. I was just crying and thinking that I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day.” Brown reminisced. “I told my mom that I’m gonna take a baseball bat one day while she’s at work, and I’m gonna kill him…I hate him to this day.” Brown said he found relief from his troubled home with creativity. “Music, dancing, basketball and drawing was my outlet to keep me away from all that,” he said. Brown also said the visual abuse had an impact on his relationships with women. “I treat them differently,” he told Banks. “I don’t want to put a woman through the same thing that person put my mom through.” Banks told Oprah Winfrey when she heard about the Brown-Rihanna incident, she went back to that earlier interview. “I said, oh my God, he’s repeating it,” Banks said.

I don’t feel guilty for not staying angry at Chris Brown (if allegations are true) he grew up in an abusive environment and I know that shouldn’t be an excuse but it is a cycle that is hard to break. He’s also young with millions in his bank account and has a lot of control that an average teenager shouldn’t have.

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Rihanna also spoke about her parent’s dysfunctional relationship she to spoke with Tyra Banks saying “Funny enough, my parents divorce was a relief to me. I love them both, but them being together was so stressful, a lot of pressure. I had to be very strong for my two younger brothers. I was their protector didn’t want them to know anything was wrong. So when ever they separated – they separated a few times – it was such a relief for me. No one ever knew something was wrong with me, so eventually I started getting these horrible headaches, doctors couldn’t figure out what’s wrong and after they would separate that’s when the headaches would just go away. Asked of what advice she has for other girls going through this she replied “I would say to other girls’ going through this is to be strong and cry when you need to.”

As for Rihanna, if this has happened before (allegedly) why didn’t she leave? Why did she take him back after filing a police report? But the truth is no matter what, her heart has invested in so much for him that it is hard to walk away that easily. As women we tend to stick around regardless of how toxic a relationship might be.

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They also have to deal with public scrutiny, rumors and insecurities that flame jealousy. They’re growing up in front of the world, where a mistake can cost them their career; a career that has suddenly given them a position of taking care of their families financially, they have left their education and ran with their talent which leaves a question mark for the future. They don’t have a back up plan; they rely on their fan base to keep them going, their publicists to keep their name clean and media consultants to keep their reputation family friendly to stay relevant and sell records. The fame and the money becomes addicting.

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People make mistakes, and if the allegations are true than what he did is wrong beyond measures but you have to remember he is nineteen years old he has so much growing up to do, so how do you turn against someone who could be your brother or son? Just a few months ago we were dancing and singing along to his hit records and now radio stations refuse to play them and those that turned against him are not allowing themselves to enjoy his music anymore. He was winning awards for his accomplishments and now networks won’t nominate him because of the “wrong message they will send out to kids.” But the wrong message is going against one of our own.

The wrong message is blocking away chances to redeem ourselves, not showing other kids that if there are some things going wrong at home or emotionally to speak up and get help before it gets worse. What if a child is being abused at home and sees it as its normal to hit another? What if a teenager is holding anger inside that they have carried along with them from their childhood and repeat what they have seen at home because it’s all they know? Sometimes someone can be crying and dying inside while smiling on the outside.

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Where I am trying to get at is the wrong message is not talking to kids and teenagers and reassuring them that we will still be there for them no matter what mistakes they make. Teaching them that there is room to grow and change. I don’t understand how anyone supports another when the sun is shining but when down comes the thunderstorm they turn the other way. Personally, I feel that our hearts are big enough to store-room for forgiveness, love and compassion towards another. We should forgive and try to forget and if we can, help each other prosper. I would never turn my back on anyone or judge another persons actions or character. We are not in each others head or hearts. No one knows where we come from, what has happened to us, what goes on behind closed doors and what we are holding on to.

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I also find it funny that his career is holding on to whatever is left while people still support Rihanna. And I find it even funnier that people have done some worse things in their lives (allegedly), especially when they were at that age but are so quick to slam someone else for their faults.

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Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support one more over the other at this point and was going to wait until the trial ended for more details to come to light because we don’t know the truth yet. However it was reported that she hit him first, so how can people say they are against domestic abuse one minute and support her the next? They were both involved so why does his endorsements get pulled as hers stays put? No one knows what happened inside the car or even throughout their relationship. A man doesn’t hit a woman for the heck of it; men have a short temper and hold anger inside more than women do. As their significant others we should know when to give them their space and not to continue to push their buttons, a lot of the time women feed into it and make it hard to allow the men to walk away.

I don’t condone domestic violence period (from male or female) so if they both were hitting on each other, how can I support one over the other? All I am saying is don’t bash and go against Brown, you don’t know the truth yet, what if he needs help? Having the world against him defiantly won’t help him emotionally.

I also noticed that TMZ refused to release Chris Brown’s mug shot. It would have been easier (and cheaper) for TMZ to get the mug shot of Chris Brown than the photo of Rihanna’s bruised face. She was a victim…her name wasn’t even supposed to be released, let alone photos. It doesn’t make sense to me that a site like TMZ could get other celebrities mug shot an hour after their arrests but they couldn’t get their hands on Chris Brown’s mug shot.It bothers me when reputable media outlets with broader audiences who have the responsibility to tell (like CNN, MSNBC, TMZ, etc) do the same. They choose an angle they want to present a story and pull every piece of evidence that they can to support that angle while omitting any details that would contradict their original story. Not that the mug shot would have changed anything, but shouldn’t we have seen it?

For the first time in three months of lying low he broke his silence by releasing a 30 second video via his friend/rapper Bow Wow’s Twitter/You Tube account; “I just wanna say ‘What up?’ because I ain’t been out there in a minute, new album will be coming soon,” he says. “We’re working on it now. Called Graffiti. Got everything on it, I’ll be ready for that. I’m about to drop a single this summer for y’all. So we ain’t going nowhere. Everybody that’s haters, they just been haters. All my real fans, I love you all. I ain’t a monster.”

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Listen, I am not a woman-hater nor am I sticking up for men. I am on both sides. It always takes two to tango. We women tend to act in childish and foolish ways when we are in love. As men tend to act strong and hold everything inside as they attempt to walk away when an argument is escalating. They want to protect us and look to us to nurture and be there for them and to give them their space when needed. While half of us wine and dig up reasons to complain because nothing is ever good enough or we continue to take them back when they cheat or abuse us. If he hits you once, he is going to hit you again. If you stood around after the first time then you are not the victim any more, you are a part of the disease that you share with each other. You’re not only allowing him to do again but you’ve become immune to it.

Obviously both Brown and Rihanna have a problem. They need love themselves and get through their issues and insecurities to love another. Hopefully they will seek the help and guidance they need before it’s too late. Both of them are young and hold a lot of power; however it has been proven that in domestic violence cases, that both the victim and the victimized share a common bond that seems to draw them together. This is why you see the abused returning back to their abusers time and time again. It’s a sickness that doesn’t go away until it is properly addressed. The outcome of this story as to whether they get back together, depart from one another or get some help will show far more. But violence is never the answer.

In conclusion, Oprah said it best “Let me tell you why she got back with him, in my opinion,” Winfrey said. “If you go back with a man who hits you – allegedly – it is because you don’t feel you’re worthy of being with a man who won’t.” Winfrey quickly added: “I think we need to send love to both of them….him to be healed, and for her to be healed also. I want all girls and even men to know that love shouldn’t hurt. Love doesn’t hurt”

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More details of what actually happened in the car will be released from both sides (I always felt the story was one-sided). The bad thing if the allegations are to be true, this could get really ugly. Rihanna will also be testifying in court. The preliminary hearing is on June 22.

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UPDATE: June, 24, 2009 UPDATE:47646292 UPDATE: June, 24, 2009 rihanna-in-court

 

Chris Brown looks down and Rihanna looks somber as they seem, separately in the Criminal Courts Building where he reached a plea bargain. The entertainer plead guilty to one count of felony assault on his former girlfriend in the Superior Court of Los Angeles County on Monday, June 22nd in Los Angeles.

Chris Brown has copped a plea in his assault case. Which means he will serve NO JAIL TIME, but will be on 5 years probation. He’s also been ordered to stay 50 yards clear of Rihanna. They are permitted to attend work related events at the same time, but have to stay 10 feet from each other during those events. Chris was also ordered to spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day — 1440 hours total) in Virginia which is where he lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told the media that Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks. He must also enroll in a domestic violence counseling program and he’ll get supervised probation. If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.

I am glad he is not serving jail time. But I am not glad about the fact that the truth of what happened did not come out. I feel as though Rihanna was protected, so she didn’t get to testify and Chris plead guilty to avoid trail. When the judge was explaining to Rihanna what is going to happen, when informing her of restraining order, she made it loud and clear and making sure Rihanna understand that “You are also not allowed to contact him, if you do it will violate his probation.” For a judge to say that to a victim is very very rare, it shows that the judge knows a lot more than we do and that Rihanna may in fact have a lot to do with this mess. Anyway, it’s over but I hope his career wont be. I am frankly getting tired of Rihanna and I believe that an artist’s personal life should not get in the way of their professional life. I hope Chris bounces back and I hope Rihanna will stop being perceived as the innocent battered victim parading around the streets for the paparazzi like she is walking the run way showcasing her latest fashion choices.

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3 thoughts on “What once was sweet, turned sour.

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